No longer

The first part of Viktor’s internship had gone well and soon the second part would start. But in the time between, a problem had developed. His poison affinity had made every part of his life more difficult for Victor, school included. He couldn’t touch anyone without the risk of hurting them and that was exactly the problem with his studies and his internship: he wanted to make people better, cure them and help them, but his affinity did exactly the opposite. He couldn’t do his internship. The risk was too great.

He’d contacted Lamar and asked if they could talk in private. They’d agreed on a meeting place, a small café where Victor was going to right now. He dreaded cancelling his internship, but he couldn’t see any other way. It was something else his affinity was taking from him: his studies. Once Victor arrived he looked around to see if Lamar had already arrived.

Victor heard Lamar call him and turned towards the source of the sound. The man was already seated at one of the tables. Waving to let the man know he’d noticed him, Victor made his way over to Lamar and sat down on the chair opposite of him.

“Hey,” he greeted his mentor. “Thanks for meeting me. Nervously, he plucked at one of his gloves. He’d practised what he wanted to say, but that didn’t make this any easier. “I’m sorry for calling you out of the blue like that,” he started. Everything had been going so well with his internship and if it wasn’t for his affinity, Victor would’ve happily returned to the clinic. Everything had already been brought in order for him to continue there, but it just wasn’t possible anymore.

Victor stopped as soon as the other held up his hand and then nodded when he was told to not apologise. He really should get his nerves under control so he could get to why he’d called Lamar here. But first something to drink would be nice. “Yes, that sounds nice,” Victor replied and waited for a waiter to arrive and take his order: coffee.

Waiting for the order to arrive, however, was not good for his nerves and so Victor gathered up the courage to tell Lamar what he needed to say. “I need to cancel my internship,” he told the man seriously, though he was unable to keep the sadness and disappointment out of his voice. Victor mentally encouraged himself to go on: he’d practised this a thousand times, he could do this. “I recently acquired a poison affinity. It would be a danger to the patients.” Relief flooded over him once he’d gotten the words out, but fear just as easily took over again as he waited for Lamar’s response.

Waiting for the waiter to come back only made him more nervous and so Victor gathered the courage he needed and told Lamar that he was forced to cancel his internship. Once the words were out, Victor anxiously awaited the man’s reaction. While the people he’d told about his affinity so far had reacted better than he’d expected, he was still scared for how Lamar would respond.

Victor looked at Lamar with wide eyes when the man told him he could always try again once he had more control over his affinity. “I’d love that,” Victor said, hopeful. “If you still want me then.” He hadn’t expected that Lamar would want him to come back at a later time, but if that was a possibility he’d take it with open arms. During his internship the previous semester, he’d loved working at the clinic. The work had been interesting and the coworkers fun to be around and very knowledgeable so he could learn from them. “I have no idea when or if I’ll learn to control it though,” Victor added, unsure how to navigate his affinity.

Victor took in a relieved breath. He hadn’t expected that Lamar would want him to come back when he was able to, so it felt like some pressure was lifted from his shoulders when the man said he had no reason not to welcome him back. “Thank you,” Victor said, appreciating that he would get a second chance once he’d learned how to live with his affinity.

Hearing that the man hadn’t been proficient with his affinity either at the start reassured Victor somewhat. “How did you learn to control it?” Victor had looked for information, but it wasn’t like there was an easy how-to-guide he could follow.

Victor nodded at the advice. “How do I do that?” he wondered out loud. Because, while it sounded helpful, he didn’t understand how he could keep his emotions from affecting his affinity.

Practice. He knew that. What he didn’t know was how he could practice. Inanimate objects couldn’t be poisoned and if he tried his affinity out on people or pokémon they could get hurt, or worse. When Lamar came with a solution to that problem, Victor couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of that himself. Flowers still reacted to poison, but while it would be sad to see them perish, it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he practised on them.

Victor looked intrigued as Lamar pulled water out of the air, letting it float in between them. “I’ll try,” Victor promised the man before pointing to the blob of water and asking: “How long did it take before you could do that?”

At that moment, the waiter came back and handed him their drinks. Victor accepted his coffee before letting his hands retreat under the table where he plucked at his gloves.

Victor knew it wasn’t realistic, yet he still somehow hoped that Lamar would tell him that it’d be easy to learn how to control his affinity and that it wouldn’t take much time. That sliver of hope was quickly shattered. It had taken the man months before he could do something with his affinity and years before he could control it properly, often dehydrating himself in the process. Victor looked down at his coffee. The idea of living the coming years scared of poisoning someone at the slightest touch wasn’t a bright future.

But despite Lamar’s experience, the man couldn’t tell him exactly how long it would take him to get a grip on his affinity since that depended on multiple factors. “Maybe I’ll set a record,” Victor tried to joke that he might be able to learn how to control his affinity in record time. But humour wasn’t enough to keep reality at bay; he sighed. “But I don’t think it’ll be that easy.” He wondered how his life would look like until he had a grip on his affinity. Poison was dangerous and the measures he would need to take not to hurt anyone wouldn’t be light.

Victor wished as well for Lamar to tell him it would be fine, but he knew that would be a lie. Learning how to control his affinity and how to live with it wouldn’t be easy and mostly it would take time.

It was difficult not to be impatient. Already Victor wished that he could just skip the hard way and find information on how to control his affinity right now. But that would be impossible, he knew that. He nodded at the advice. He couldn’t get impatient or take risk with a poison affinity. It could cost someone’s life if he did.

The idea that it would feel like a blessing instead of a curse gave Victor some hope. He sighed. “I hope so.” He drank some of his coffee, letting the beverage warm him. The knowledge that once he learned how to control his affinity he would be able to purify made him feel a bit positive, even if the road towards that wouldn’t be easy.