Feverdream

Djodie stood outside the door for minutes. Contemplating if she should do this.
A small bag with all the gifts the woman had given her was neatly wrapped inside her purse. With the chain from the woman's clothing, and whatever not she had left at Djodie's place.
The question was - was she really going to leave that bag here and walk out, or would she cower and melt in front of Kaye. As she had done many times before.

She had to admit that she did went a little overboard. The redhead was dressed in a fiery red dress, a black coat and black high heels. Altough, despite the looks, she felt like there was a rope around her
throat trying to choke her. With a final sigh, she pushed the door of the Golden Eye open to walk in. Knowing that she would catch her attention the minute she set foot inside. Her red hear was
impossible to miss.

The little redhead noticed the woman sitting in that same corner as the first time. Djodie tried to push her nerves away, ordered a cocktail at the bar and walked over to Kaye.
She was about half an hour late.
The redhead sat down across from her.
"So?"

She was melting already. Djodie could have just saved herself the trouble of collecting all the little gifts and whatnot that Kaye had given her - did Djodie really think she was strong enough to just hand it back over to Kaye? To end it all and walk away?
Who was she fooling besides herself?

As she sat down across from the woman, Djodie's eyes glazed over Kaye's body, as her gaze was rested on the burn on the woman's left hand. What had happened to her? Djodie furrowed her brows shortly before looking back to the woman's eyes.
'I thought I had scared you away for good, but here you are.' Djodie inhaled slowly as she casted her eyes down. 'Why?' The redhead took a moment to collect her thoughts.

"Would you have preferred I had not come?" Djodie said quietly, her eyes glazing back up to Kaye's face. She exhaled.
"You texted me to come. So I came." Djodie leaned back against the backrest of the booth as she took a sip from her drink, her eyes set on Kaye's, yet there was a small voice in the back of her head, scared of getting yelled at again. The girl felt on edge, ready to run out of this would go south.

Fuck, shit. Djodie noticed the composed demeanot of the woman. She missed the guiding approach Kaye normally carried. It made her feel like a young animal, trying to stand for the first time. And she hated it. 'Curious,' Djodie felt herself shrinking at the woman's words, cold and lacking of ease.

Nervously, the girl picked up the glass from the table again to twist it around in her hands. She felt trapped in a glass box with Kaye just outside, unreachable for her. The box would change size, but instead of shrinking, it felt like it only grew larger. Which freaked her out even more as she lacked the calmth, the certainty of clear and set boundaries for herself to move between.

Djodie wanted a time machine to get herself back to that valentines event. She should have just walked on, forget she had seen Kaye there. It hadn't really been a fair move of hers, had it? Knowing she had been with Ying, yet lashed out at Kaye for sleeping with Kavya. It hadn't been fair. "I - I guess I wasn't really thinking straight, I... I was - I am just so afraid to lose you..." Djodie muttered, occasionally looking up at Kaye shortly, before casting her eyes down to her glass again.

'So, what's changed?' Djodie swallowed as she continued to twist the glass in her hand, her body getting smaller each second. "I - nothing changed. I was not finished - I could never be finished with you... I was just scared and I acted from that and I am truely sorry, you didn't deserve that... I should have just walked on that day and - I don't know, maybe have asked about it later if it had still bothered me. I wasn't thinking. I'm really sorry..." Djodie's voice died down, as she didn't really knew what else to say. Carefully, slowly, like a scolded dog, she looked up at Kaye with her big, bright blue eyes.

"I just missed you so bad... I am truely, really sorry for what I did..."

A hint of desperation, of pure panic, was claiming more and more territory inside her with every passing second. When her name came out of the woman’s mouth, Djodie’s courage dropped to the floor. No, no, please… The redhead looked up at the woman, fear unmistakably present in her eyes.
”I - I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you…” she stammered. She was caught offguard by the disappointment in Kaye’s voice, causing tears to swell up in her eyes.

Djodie trembled as Kaye’s gaze bore in hers, locking her down. ’another attempt to manipulate me -’ A tear fell down her cheek as she physically leaned back at the words. Quickly she wiped it away. ’You’ve shown a pattern of selfishness -’ Djodie swallowed as she tore her eyes away and casted her gaze down once more. Selfishness? Did she? Sure, she hadn’t made exactly the right choices upto now, but Djodie meant no harm. Surely Kaye knew that, right?
”I… was not aware that I did -” Djodie muttered, her voice growing more quiet with each word spoken.

’I appreciate your apology.’ Something in her heart lit up before it was crushed down again by the next words. Before she could answer, she shot up straight by the sharp snap of Kaye’s fingers, and a bartender came running towards them to fill Kaye’s glass. The man noticed Djodie’s empty glass, and quickly muttered if she would have another. Djodie agreed and within 5 seconds there was a new glass placed in front of her.

Djodie took a sip in an attempt to calm herself, push away the tears, the panic, before she would try and create words. ”I - I understand….” she started with a sigh, no longer able to look at the woman. ”But I will! If you still want me to prove - I mean. I will do whatever it takes to make you see!” Panic slowly gained more and more territory inside her mind.
”Please, let me prove myself…”

Her fear was radiating off her, sensible through the air. Djodie trembled as Kaye started talking, the woman's eyes fixed on her, but they felt cold, meaningless.

The words slowly entered Djodie's mind, but there was something inside her that had set up a wall. In an attempt to protect herself. 'I appreciate your apology,' there was a but. There was always a but. Djodie's eyes lingered to the table, trying to make sense of the turmoil in her own mind. The woman's earlier words floated through her mind, repeatedly screaming for her attention.
'You've shown a pattern of selfishness,' Djodie swallowed as she slowly detached from the present, 'if this is another attempt to manipulate me.' Absentmindedly the girl dug her nails into the palm of her hand, as the memory of the valentines event entered the party in her mind. 'I have you right where I want you to and I didn’t even have to make an effort.'

Enough.

She suddenly looked up as the woman spoke words that Djodie didn't register. It flew right by her side, as she realised what had happened and, worse, what she had to do. But the sight of Kaye, tired, drowning herself in alcohol. The sort of approval she had just given. Couldn't Djodie just, ignore this? Just forget it all happened. If it meant she could have Kaye's love?

The redhead closed her eyes shortly, drew in a breath and looked at Kaye again, tears burning in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "This - you - I can't do this. I love you - I really do - I'm sorry." With that, tears rolled over her cheeks, as she grabbed the plastic bag that contained the gifts Kaye had sent her, and placed it on the table. Then, without looking at the woman, she stood up and left.