Pieces into place

Nadezhda and Gureum looked tranquil between the flowers. It was a rare sight for the pokémon to be this relaxed. While they were still aware of their surroundings, they both enjoyed being outside without anyone else around and knew their trainer kept an eye out as well. For once, it almost seemed as if they hadn’t been through too much.

Mikhail saw the girl with the garchomp in the distance well before they noticed him. At first, he wanted to tell Nadezhda and Gureum to turn around, but then he recognised the redhead in the distance. “Позади,” he told the ursaring and blastoise to get behind him before he approached Gaia.

The girl’s garchomp was the first to notice him. Mikhail kept an eye on the pokémon while he greeted Gaia, making sure it wouldn’t do anything that could alarm his own pokémon. “I didn’t expect to come across you. How have you been?” he smiled at the girl.

Last time they’d seen each other, neither of them had their pokémon out. That was why Mikhail almost told Nadezhda and Gureum to turn around when he noticed the garchomp, not having seen it before, but then he recognised Gaia and walked towards her.

The garchomp was the first to see and approach them. Just like its trainer it was strong and though but friendly. After a look at Mikhail and a nod from the man, Gureum walked towards the garchomp and greeted him. Nadezhda remained behind her trainer, observing the situation from a safe place.

Mikhail smiled as he turned towards Gaia and asked her how she’d been. “I’m glad to hear that,” he spoke, his expression soft. She’d been angry when they’d bumped into each other, but he’d quickly discovered that was simply a way to protect herself from the outside world. It was good that she was doing better now.

The question of how things had been was returned to him. “Difficult,” he answered honestly. They’d already looked past each other’s barriers, he had no energy or want to pull those back up. “But I’ll be alright.” He smiled though there was a glint of sadness in his eyes and his hands were hidden in his pockets to conceal the slight tremble in them. That happened more often lately, just like the nightmares and phantom pain. It was evident that things had been more difficult, but he also meant it when he said he’d be alright. He didn’t know how yet, but he’d get through this.

It would be so easy to put up a mask and pretend he was perfectly alright. That’s what he’d always done and how he’d survived the past twelve years. If he’d stood still too long, he might’ve never started moving again, and later, once the war was over and he’d been locked away in Kamensk, if someone thought they saw weakness, they would’ve used it against him.

But things were different now.

And so Mikhail told her that things had been difficult lately. He was glad to have Viktor as a friend and for them to know where they stood now, yet in that moment he’d felt so isolated and alone, and since then his memories from Kamensk came back more frequently than before.

“I did,” he answered before he paused, deciding whether he wanted to talk about this right now.

His muscles tensed when Gaia spoke again. He’d never told her that name. At once he felt vulnerable and exposed. He tried to answer, but only stammering came out as he tried to process the new information. “You know him?” he said eventually. Automatically he took a step back, his eyes flitting around as if looking for a way out, never settling to make eye contact with Gaia.

He couldn’t stop himself from taking a step back, not even as he saw the panic in Gaia’s eyes, but once he became aware of the reaction, he took in a deep breath to calm himself, counting to four as he inhaled before exhaling. His hand went over the fabric of his shirt and he focused on staying where he was, planting his feet firmly on the ground.

Despite his initial reaction, he didn’t want to run away. He listened to Gaia, but it took another moment before his heartbeat had slowed down slightly and he could look at her. “I’m sorry,” he spoke before his eyes darted away again. “I didn’t expect—” His body betrayed him once more as he couldn’t finish the sentence. This reveal shouldn’t bring out such a reaction and yet it did. This was just a conversation, he was safe, he reminded himself and felt his breathing ease a bit.

“I’m not leaving,” he spoke, hoping that speaking the words would make it easier to stay put and wanting to reassure Gaia after seeing the panic in her eyes when he’d taken a step back before.

“When did you figure out it was him?” he asked, his accent heavier than usual as he forced the words out. His eyes focused on the ground before moving again to meet her gaze.

Rationally he knew his reaction was a hundred times more intense than the situation warranted for but it was difficult to ignore how every fiber in his being screamed that he needed to get out of here. As he recognised what was happening, he did everything he could not to listen to his body.

Managing to calm his heartbeat down slightly he focused on Gaia and told her he wasn’t leaving. As she murmured a soft thank you, he wanted to comfort her but the panic still coursing through his veins rendered him incapable of moving closer.

Instead he asked a question. Something easy to get himself to start talking again. He nodded when she mentioned her leg. The story she’d told him about the man who’d found her and had taught himself how to fix her prosthetic had already sounded familiar back then. Of course it was Viktor. It had seemed unlikely to Mikhail that another person he met would be connected to his old friend, but he should’ve known no one else would have been there for her like that.

She’d talked with Viktor about him. Mikhail’s eyes darted around as he tried to find words to say. “So he knows we’ve met?” he asked. That was obvious, but Mikhail needed to say something and the only other question in his mind was how much she’d told Viktor of what he’d said to her and he couldn’t talk about that right now.

He’d gotten better at dealing with situations like this, when his body screamed there was danger when in reality nothing had happened, so instead of turning around and walking away, he managed to calm himself down enough so he could talk again. He needed to talk, to reassure her she wasn’t at fault. Gaia had told him about her life the last time they’d seen each other. Mikhail could see that fear that she’d done something wrong screaming in her eyes. The part of him that wasn’t preoccupied with stifling his flight-response knew he was too much to deal with, so broken that he was scaring this girl.

“You didn’t,” he spoke. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” His eyes managed to stay locked on hers. “We both talked to you. You happened to know both of us.” He tried to smile as best as he could, the feeling reaching his eyes but his expression remaining shaky.

With the panic subdued, antsiness took hold of him. “Shall we walk?” It would help shake off the last nervous energy still dancing around him, and maybe it would help Gaia in the same way.

They started walking. Neither of them had an idea where they were going, but that wasn’t the point. The nervousness still coursing through Mikhail’s body as a remnant from the panic he’d felt before urged him to move.

The question made him swallow. He’d known it was coming, yet he wasn’t prepared to answer. There was too much hurt still and he didn’t want to burden her with his troubles either, but he also knew he had to speak.

He walked on in silence beside her for a short while as he tried to find the words. “We talked.” It was what Gaia and Mikhail had both urged each other to do last time they’d seen each other. “But we aren’t the same anymore. We decided it would be better for us to try to be friends again.” He could still remember the way Viktor’d moved closer and kissed him, only to quickly realise that while neither of them wanted to lose the other again, they would never be the same.

His eyes went up to the sky; he let out a sigh. “I should’ve moved on a long time ago.”