Before the sun comes the rain

“It ain’t gonna drink itself, ya know.”

The hoarse voice of the bartender pulled him out of his thoughts. With every word spoken out loud, another cloud of smoke was blown into his face. The smell was almost suffocating and he could do nothing else but cough. “What’s it to you? Go bother someone else,” Míngzé said dismissively with a wave of his hand. While it was a calm night, he was anything but the only customer. The man said something else to him, but it was too muffled to hear clearly. In response Míngzé rolled his eyes.

At least the man walked away, leaving him alone. A sigh sounded and Míngzé grabbed the small shot that had stood before him for almost an hour now. It was nowhere near cold. He slowly turned it around between two fingers. While the cold feeling from before was no longer present, the thoughts never left him alone. He could still feel it, even when it was not there.

All he wanted was to feel warm again. Feel alive. But this stupid drink would not help. He had only ordered it because that bartender had asked him what his poison was, and the only reason he was here was because it was safer than spending the night outside.


[ iemand van Q ]

Míngzé did not pay attention to the person who came to sit next to him. All he could think about was his encounter a little earlier.  To be fair, there was only one question on his mind. One he had no answers for.

Why?

The cold empty feeling had disappeared when Sāng went up the stairs, but still it felt like it was lingering around. It did not make any sense why he would feel this way. It was so much different form usual feelings. A sigh rolled over his lips as he cupped his cheek and continued on his staring contest with the shot glass.

A voice sounded again, but this time it was directed at him. Míngzé hummed softly but did not move in any way. “Depends,” he started. The shot glass was still full but he slowly pushed it towards the man. “Only if you can get drunk from staring at your drink too long.” While he was not against drinking, he usually never did. To be fair, this year was the first time he had alcohol for more than a small sip. “You can have it if you want,” Míngzé said with a lazy shrug. Drinking was not too bad, but somehow the idea of drinking alone felt just— sad.

It was the same in every bar. Too dark for him to really see anything besides the mood lighting that was very pleasant on the eyes. Míngzé looked for a moment at the man who’d joined him, but quickly cast his eyes towards his now empty hand.

The words spoken by the other made Míngzé huff. He wanted to tell him that he had no idea what he was talking about, but that would be a lie. The other managed to hit the nail on its head. “Or perhaps I’m simply not in the mood for drinking.” Which was not false. Maybe he should just order a coke, that would give him something to do at least.

Was this not why people went to a bar? So that they could talk to people. “Nothing too serious,” he started. In a way it had been serious. “Got in a fight with a friend, that’s all.” Míngzé shrugged like it was nothing. It was not even that part which bothered him, but everything surrounding it.

“Have you ever felt this— emptiness? Like an almost cold feeling. As if there is nothing left?” Míngzé asked the man, doing his best to look at him. He was not even sure why he was asking this kind of questions to some stranger at a bar.

Míngzé scoffed and rolled his eyes. It did not matter what this man believed he was doing here. In the end he was only here because he did not want to go home. But he wasn’t planning on telling his whole story to some stranger he met at a bar. “You could say that,” he said as the other mentioned it could be serious. Right now he was not sure how serious it actually was. It was complicated and Míngzé still did not know what exactly had happened. It did not matter, he was not going to discuss that any further with him.

Instead, he asked a different question, expecting a simple yes or no, maybe a stranger look. But that was not what he got.

It radiates from him.

Míngzé held his breath at those words and did not move an inch. Those golden eyes of his were directed at the man next to him, slightly narrowed. A mixture of feelings flowed inside of him. He wanted so badly to deny it for the fear that was brought with it. Then again, he was also intrigued. Earlier he’d felt something radiating off Sāng, and now this man was talking about something that sounded strangely familiar.

“What are you talking about?” Míngzé decided to go with, straightening his back and eyes still narrowed. All of the sudden he was on edge. A part of him told him to run, but he remained seated. Maybe he needed that drink after all.

Ever since the moment this man had opened his mouth, talking in riddles, Míngzé had felt the urge to get away. There was something not right about him. No one spoke like this. He narrowed his eyes at the man. As the man answered his question, it only went from bad to worse. Not understanding a thing, he felt lost within this conversation.

“You know, most people start by introducing themselves first, before throwing cryptic shit at them,” Míngzé muttered in reply. No, whatever people said about drinking not helping, he did not care. He felt around for his drink again. Where had he pushed it to? Oh, there it was.

He brought the drink to his lips, but did not immediately drink. “I’m not an empty husk,” Míngzé said before throwing back the drink. He was not even sure who he said to, himself or this man. As the drink went down, he felt the burning sensation act up again and he could not keep the couching back. No, it was still as horrible as he remembered.

Míngzé blinked surprised as the other introduced himself as Killian. Apparently he was a lawyer. “Good for you.” Hopefully this ‘Killian’ did not expect his name in return, because he would not get any. Why would he after these weird things he said?

“That’s not what I meant by what I said earlier. I’m very much alive and kicking.” Even though a part of him doubted that statement. Míngzé raised his glass as he saw some vague movement behind the bar, hoping the bartender would look his way. One more would be alright. He sure as hell needed it with this man as his companion.

It also did not get better and Míngzé narrowed his eyes. “Now that’s not very hard is it?” He clearly rolled his eyes. Everyone in this bar could probably see further than he could. “Don’t worry, punching is not my style.” Míngzé tilted his glass towards the man. Why did it take so long to get another one? With rising irritation he lowered the glass again. "Why are you here anyway?" he asked in an attempt to get the spotlight away from himself.