Choice is an illusion

It was almost as if he was in a trance. That is how it felt to leave that place, and go home. Along the way he’d managed to call a cab using someone’s phone, but those memories were hazy to say the least. Míngzé was relieved when he was greeted by the dull smell that always hung in the lobby of the apartment complex. Taking the staircase was a huge challenge, but he managed.

Under his arm Míngzé carried a small package, which was nothing more than his coat concealing the thing he’d found. That thing— no the whole situation from start to finish,  he had no idea how to feel about it all. Which was maybe the reason he ended up on the second floor instead the third one.

His fist hovered in front of the door, all that remained was to knock. A small gesture and still he hesitated. In a way it felt wrong to bother someone else with this, but the idea of going home did not sit him well either. What would he do? Take a shower and go to bed. It would almost feel as though nothing had occurred. After taking a deep breath, Míngzé finally knocked and waited for the door to open.

“Mind if I come in?”

Míngzé probably looked as bad as he felt. The salty sea smell clung to him and his clothes that were still damp. There was the hole in his shirt, his missing shoe, coat rolled up under his arm, the traces of blood and the utter exhaustion written all over him. Maybe he should’ve gone home first after all, but it was too late now.

There was movement at the other side of the door, Míngzé could hear it. It was only now that he came to the realization that perhaps the wrong person would open the door. In his current state, he was not keen on seeing Sāng’s boyfriend.

The moment the door opened for him, Míngzé already knew it was not Vince. A certain recognition which only fueled his doubt some more. Among all those he knew, Sāng was both the best and the worst person to approach right now. Míngzé trusted him and the other knew more about him than anyone else.

Míngzé was glad not to see the look he was given. The tone in Sāng’s voice was more than enough. “It’s a long story. Sorry, for coming unannounced. I would’ve called beforehand, but— well, my phone did not survive.” A small smile lay on his lips. That on its own was a whole problem, one he would deal with later.

From his last visit here Míngzé vaguely knew where the couch was. Navigating there was easy compared to the maze he’d been in prior. Once there he sat down with a deep sigh. His coat and the item within were placed at his side. “Vince not here?” Using his other foot, he tried to remove his one remaining shoe. Blisters had appeared on his heel from walking around in soaking wet shoes. For now it was easier not to address the cufant in the room.

Sitting in the embrace of the soft couch, he lacked any and all determination of getting up again. The warmth was pleasant against his cold skin. This was the most comfortable he’d ever been. That is what it felt like at least.

Míngzé hummed softly, giving Sāng’s question a thought. Knowing an arrow had been stuck in his abdomen who knows how long ago, the idea of eating did not sound like a good one. “Something warm, coffee or something.” Anything to feel some kind of warmth.

For now Vince was still away from home, although he would soon be back. Which was good. When that time came, Míngzé would have a reason to get up and go home. He did not want to bother either of them for too long. They had their own lives after all.

“Chased an impossible dream.” None of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t been this stupid. But in reality could he really call it a failure? His head felt calmer than it had been for a long while. “Someone had done it, you know? They'd done it, so I had to give it a try.” Míngzé sighed deeply, the movement uncomfortable. It did not occur to him that his story was missing some important elements. “Nearly caused me my life, again, but no key.” He could not stop a smile from breaking though as he grasped the sheer absurdity of the situation. One hand rested on top of the weird artifact he’d found, the other on his stomach.

It was not that Míngzé felt thirsty, all he craved was the accompanying warmth. “Black’s fine.” The sound of the coffee maker was almost calming in a way. Everything felt so mundane now.

When he felt Sāng’s fingers brush against his skin, he let him until the cup was safely in his hands. It was all too much. Even for him it was difficult to wrap his mind around it, how could he possibly explain it clearly? The warmth against his palm helped a bit. It was a link to the present instead of the past. He rested the cup on his leg.

“Serving ties with one affinity. They did it using a key they found near the beach.” Saying it out loud even felt like something impossible. It was part of someone was it not? Not something easily broken as Míngzé had come to understand. Was everything he read back then even real? Enough people with bad intentions would speak lies.

Míngzé tried, he really did, to make sense of all this. “There was no key where I went,” his voice tinged with dismay. The echoes of all those voices pressing down upon him felt like a distant memory now. He turned his head towards the weird artifact. All he found was that thing. He slightly narrowed his eyes, thinking about it all. “In a way I was successful I guess. It is gone.” Replaced by something else, yes, but gone nonetheless. The silence that came with it was a welcoming change. "It is really gone," he repeated, his voice filled with relief. An honest smile broke through. Saying it out loud made it all feel so much more real.

His eyebrows moved closer to each other when all of the sudden Sāng placed his hand on his forehead. That was unexpected. Míngzé raised one eyebrow when the other pulled back again. He wanted to ask what was up with it, but deciding it was not worth the effort he did not.

A deal with the devil. Those words had crossed his mind too. They should’ve been enough to  push him to make another choice. He almost did, if not for the promises that were offered. Finally he removed a hand from the bundle. “A moment of desperation, a promise too good to be true.” As he spoke he lifted his shirt. The texture had a hard and crunchy feel to it, a result of the blood now dried upon it. The wound was still there, however the severity was less grievous. “An arrow.” Being struck by an arrow in this modern era was abnormal in itself. The idea of the pain still lingered in the back of his mind.

Míngzé let his head rest against the cushion behind him, his eyes closed. Lazily he raised his hand. “Before you say anything, yes, I know, stupid me for not reading between the lines.” It was so obvious, yet at that moment, it had been too difficult to process anything at all.

If his situation had been less dire, he would’ve made a different choice. But that was not the case. Everything around him had once more been falling apart and he was right on the edge of dying. Again. Naturally he went for the first opportunity at life that was given to him, only for that entity to stop him. If it had not been for their shared ideas, he might have made another choice.

Míngzé heaved a deep breath as he brought a hand to his eyes, rubbing them. There was a moment of silence, where he hummed softly as he tried to recall exactly what the entity had said. It was way harder than it should be. “You do realize I was bleeding out, right?” Míngzé lowered his hand again, only to place it back on top of the bundle. “The ghost affinity would no longer be attached to me and I would live, or well, stand, but that’s the same I assume.” It was hard to recall the exact words, but that was basically it. “All I had to promise was to be an ally.” When he said it out loud it did not sound too bad. His newly found affinity was not exactly what he wanted out of this, but it could be worse.

“It’s not all that bad.”

Míngzé had never expected Sāng to understand his choice. Which was fine. In the end, he had to live with the choices he made. If this one was going to bite him in the ass at some point, it was on him. The knowledge of the affinity now coursing through him, the coldness that came with it wasn't exactly ideal. But it was better than having the feeling of being haunter. Or death.

“I do.” His voice was but a mere whisper as he stared out in front of him. “After months, I finally feel peace again. It was too much, Sāng. I couldn’t bear it anymore. The things they said—” Míngzé shook his head, not expecting the other to even understand. The weight of all those spirits pressing down on him was not something he would ever forget.

The bundle did not go unnoticed. When Sāng mentioned it, Míngzé grabbed it and simply handed it over. “My ‘reward’.” There was no denying its power, the weird sensation that it radiated. Yet to call it a reward— in the end it was not why he went there in the first place. A real reward would’ve been an affinity free life. “No idea what it is or what it does. It's likely safer if it doesn't end up in the wrong hands.” Which is why he would keep it at home and not talk about it with anyone other than Sāng.

This was one of those moments where his trust in the other was evident. By giving Sāng the strange artifact, he trusted the man in so many ways. Calmly he placed both hands around his cup of coffee. The heat was pleasant to the touch. For the first time since receiving this he drank from it as he let Sāng study the thing.Míngzé did not interfere and stayed quiet, giving the other the time to truly inspect it.

Míngzé hummed in confirmation. “That’s the plan, yes.” Until perhaps he knew what it was for. Until then he would not fiddle too much with it, as its power was unmistakingly. No matter what, he did not want to hurt anyone. Which had been one of this deity’s firsts questions. “I’ll hide it somewhere safe, no one will ever even know of its existence except for you.” There was the heavy air of darkness that surrounded it, but he simply believed it was evident to both him and Sāng for one specific reason. Others hopefully would not notice anything.

He turned his head to face Sāng, but his eyes were more directed to the artifact he held. “What does it look like anyway?” While he had become familiar with the strange texture and the unfamiliar shape, it was all he knew. It did not feel like anything he’d ever held before.

A lump of broken metal. It was exactly what it felt like too. Míngzé hummed softly, thinking it through. Just what could it be? For the time being, he had no clue, and he wasn't particularly concerned either. Those were problems for another day. It had been well enough for one day.

When Sāng proposed to keep it with him, Míngzé immediately felt conflicted. It would be better, that was true. The mere fact that he had stronger pokémon proved that he was better suited for the job. What would his tiny Houndour do if someone attempted to break in and steal it? Not that he could offer much defense himself.

And still—

He shook his head slowly. “Sāng, no,” Míngzé said, his voice barely above a whisper. The tone in his voice clearly said that he was not about to change his mind. “You and Vince have been through enough. It would not be right to place this burden upon you too. Don't become more involved than you already are.” It was his fault this thing was now here instead of being hidden in some secret temple. There's a reason why someone went to the trouble of hiding it in a remote temple. As far as he knew, being in its presence could be dangerous.

It happened automatically. The moment Sāng’s fist hit the table, Míngzé jumped to his feet. No matter how tired he was, immediately he was on high alert. Too much had happened already. With his mouth slightly agape. They had just been talking, nothing more. “I don’t—” he started, not finishing his sentence as he was having trouble finding the right words.

“Excuse me?” Míngzé blurted out, his voice muddled with surprise and shock. His eyes were locked onto Sāng as much as possible. “Didn't I just say I wanted to keep both of you out of this?” His voice dripped with anger as he practically spat out the words. What was with the sudden hostility, he did not understand at all.

A deep breath filled his lungs as he tried to remain calm himself. “You prefer I kept this from you? I came here because I trust you, because I thought you would understand.” He needed to know he was fine after everything. Seemed like he was only more fucked up than before. “How very wrong I was,” he muttered to himself. It was fine. If this was how it was going to be, so be it.

Míngzé placed his cup down on the table, before reaching out in order to find the strange artifact. Nothing changed. He would simply keep the thing and hide it. The plan remained the same.