Choice is an illusion

There was one thing Míngzé could agree on. Yes, he wished he had stayed out of this too. Getting involved was never something he desired, but now, it was unavoidable. With the artifact back in his hands, he hid it in his jacket once more. This was it then. His finger dug into the fabric when it was done.

For the first time the question lingered in his head; Was the choice he made worth all of this?

Did it matter? There was no going back. What was done was done. Míngzé had simply believed this would have gone differently. Where he thought there would be understanding here, there was none to be found. Instead he was turned into the villain instantly. It was clear that Sāng did not share the same trust he did, which made him wonder if it has ever even been there. Had he been at fault for trusting him with everything? It did not matter any longer.

All because he was weak. Weak for not accepting the affinity that was given to him before. Míngzé clicked his tongue in annoyance. Guess he could only show his strength by accepting the new one that now flowed through him.

Míngzé stood nailed to the ground as everything came at him. “You think I'm capable of bloodshed?” Hearing the words rolling over his mouth was enough to make him feel sick. Yet a huff followed. He could not believe it. A troubled expression was painting his face as he was processing everything. “Fine, paint me your villain if that is what you see me as.” His own voice awfully calm. This was all too much for one day.

A corner of his mouth twitched. While not good at the language, he understood what the other meant. “So it would seem.” Where Míngzé believed they had a strong foundation, it was clear now he had been wrong. Perhaps he was the fool for having believed otherwise. One misstep and it all crumbled to the floor.

He stood there for a few more seconds, unable to get his feet moving. It was still difficult to comprehend how this all had gone so very wrong. Finally, he got his legs moving, but storming out of the apartment was not an option, even here he had to step carefully.

The artifact felt heavy in his hands, the emanating darkness more alive than before. It was a constant reminder of what he had lost and gained in all of this. There was no reason for him to leave it here with Sāng at this point. The fact remained that he did not want Sāng to carry this burden, not when he and Vince were forging a life together. It was not fair if they had to carry this with them. Now it was up to him to keep it safe and prevent things form escalating further. Not that Sāng trusted him with that task.

Sāng talked about it as if denying the opportunity for life was a simple matter. To Míngzé it was anything but simple. “What other choice did I have? Dying? Been there once and I had no intention of repeating it again so soon.” Death. It was a scary thought, one that chilled him to the bone. There was so much left to do, he wanted to live, to experience what it meant to truly live. He was not ready to give up on his life.

His hand was on the doorknob when Sāng spoke again, listing off the people he cared for. It left a bitter taste that Sāng believed him capable of doing anything that could harm others. “I promise they won’t. All I ask is that you trust me enough to believe that I speak the truth.” If that was even still possible. Without giving it a second thought, he opened the door ready to leave.

Míngzé narrowed his eyes slightly. It was so easy for Sāng, a fact that was admirable. To protect those he cared for at the risk of his own life. “Given your own deal, you shouldn’t have to worry then. Those you care about are already protected, are they not?” That was the only thing that mattered. That small list of people the other truly cared about. With this safeguard, they should be safe from harm.

To prevent others form overhearing their conversation he closed the door once more, yet his hand remained on the doorknob. “Be glad it is in the hands of someone you know. Anyone else could’ve found it and who knows what their intentions would’ve been.” While the temple had been well hidden, difficult to even reach. Yet, if he’d done it, it was not impossible.

Míngzé gritted his teeth and held his breath for a moment. He never wanted to cause harm to others and he did not plan to start now. “I won’t let that happen,” he said determinedly. His grip around the artifact tightened slightly, reminding him that it was still there. He would not let it fall into the wrong hands.

With a soft sigh he turned to face Sāng. “How about this,” he started with a hint of hesitation. “If I ever feel like things are taking a turn for the worse, I'll entrust it to you.”

It was clear that his trust was not mutual. Míngzé’s fingers dug into the fabric of the little bundle. Already this thing was causing problems. It was exactly the reason why he rather kept him. There was no saying what else would happen and he meant what he said. He did not want to involve Vince and Sāng, they had their own lives to live. Even though this day ended badly, he was glad Sāng knew, because he deserved to know this. No matter how hard he would try, the other was already involved in enough ways.

His eyes narrowed slightly before shaking his head. “I won’t fight you for it.” Not only was it a lost battle, one he could not win, he did not think a physical fight was worth it. This was already bad enough. If Sāng really wanted to rip it out of his hands, he would have no trouble doing so.

Without saying goodbye, Míngzé opened the door and stepped outside. No matter what either party said, at this point it would not change a thing. The damage was already done. There was only one thing he could do and that was prove Sāng wrong. Míngzé closed the door behind him before leaving for his own apartment. He was tired and all he wanted to do was curl up on the bed and fall asleep. But there was something he had to do first, and that was hide the artifact somewhere safe.