Ain't a fairytale

While the woman was talking, Míngzé couldn’t help shaking his head every now and then. Her points stayed the same, these affinities were just like the typings pokémon possessed. But they were not pokémon, they were humans who were not made to yield these powers.

“Even if they once only had one, they still had them. We only gained it rather recently, they weren't part of us before.” It was still a few hundred years ago, but given the long history of the world, it was recent.

Hearing people were being born with an affinity already awakened made his stomach turn. His expression grew even more grim. She said it was uncommon, but would it stay that forever? If these affinities roots grew even deeper, would it become normal? Míngzé clenched his jaw at the idea. Another idea crept into his mind too, a possible answer he had to a question ever since he learned about Lucina’s unique appearance. Surely this was not linked.

She spoke of balance, which only made him scoff. “Ah yes, these powers emerged to the surface thanks to Her.” Sarcasm layered his voice, clearly showing he did not see it as a blessing. He knew the tales, everyone knew them as each and every school taught children about the history of their country and affinities. “Is it truly an awakening, or more like a—” Poison. Míngzé cut himself off with a sneer, shaking his head. His own emotions were getting the better of him.

Míngzé breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself before continuing. A failed attempt. “These awakenings only bring forth pain and misery. They are not worth the suffering that comes with it.” People did not have to go through all that, only to be able to maybe cast some party trick in the future.

The idea that these things have always been part of human nature made him once more uneasy. Míngzé liked to believe he had been free of it until recently. Considering her story, that had never been farther from the truth. That is if he were to believe the story being told.

A low hum left his throat. What she said, even given her wording, did not sound like an accusation. “I know enough, experienced enough.” Was it truly necessary to know the ins and outs of these affinities? Míngzé did not believe in everything people said. The explanation given by the woman sounded more like a beautiful fairytale. It was exactly what he expected to receive from someone with ties to this temple. Naturally these people believed all the stories.

“You keep calling it the power of life,” Míngzé noticed softly, the bite from before momentarily lost as he shook his head. It was this power that awakened these affinities within them, which kept the world alive. Then why have all his experiences been more closely linked to death?

“I've seen people lose their sanity or become too afraid to even touch another human being for fear of causing harm.” The healing abilities, for example, that some possessed were nowhere near strong enough to aid in surviving a car crash, or cure a deadly disease. Not enough to make a real difference. “It might change some lives for the better, but what about those less fortunate?” Should the few really have to suffer for everyone else? That did not sound right.

Míngzé slightly narrowed his eyes at her remark, but bit his tongue. It was no use to indulge in his experiences, to tell her exactly why he firmly believed he knew enough. They were not her business and he did not need to explain himself. All he did was shake his head and leave it at that.

This conversation was not budging in either direction. Míngzé could respect her for the knowledge she possessed and the calmness with which she talked. It was a skill he did not have in him. She continued, explaining why it was referred to as life. As she did, he held his breath longer than comfortable. All he could think of was what was his task at hand. His goal was his fuel to keep going. For now he kept his burning question to himself.

As his mind kept pondering, the woman continued her story. Comparing vaccination programs to his fear. Míngzé was not capable of seeing how these affinities might change the world for the better too, how they would save people in need. It was difficult to listen to every word, as his mind kept wandering. Míngzé shook his head, not agreeing with what she said. “That is not the same.” Affinities would never have the same effect on the world as everything she mentioned.

He folded his hands and rubbed the back with his thumb. He had to ask. “What do you think would happen without these affinities? If they ever cease to exist?” Míngzé wondered, his voice calmer than it had been before. If what she said was true, then what would happen if he succeeded? His unseeing eyes seemed to rest on something in the distance, unable to look at her.

There was no way to take his question back the moment it left his lips. During the silence that fell, Míngzé wanted to tell her it did not matter. She did not have to answer. Would her answer matter anyway? He opened his mouth, but at that moment her warm voice sounded, silencing him with no effort.

What answer did he expect? Míngzé did not know himself. All he could do was wait and listen as the severity of his question hung heavy in the air.

Míngzé’s hum was low as he crossed his arms. All of it depended on multiple factors. So she did not know. He could’ve known. However, she continued, explaining her reasoning further. “Does not mean it needs to be the end for them. There is so much out there that does not involve these affinities, they can learn how to do what they do differently. It does not have to be the end for them.” A doctor can still heal a patient, firemen can still extinguish a fire. They would be fine.

What she painted was her vision where Affinities were still there, only not shown. Míngzé turned his head as she continued, his interest piqued. The complete removal. It would be a grim outcome if he were to believe her vision. His lips remained a thin line as he thought about it. If this truly was the outcome of complete removal— As long as they could no longer cause harm, it would be fine. They did not need to disappear completely, just rendered useless.

Those thoughts he kept to himself. She did not need to know what conflicts went on in his head, what choices he was making.

His back straightened and eyes widened when she continued. “You do?” During his search he had found one person who had managed to do so, but their explanation did not add up with Shae’s words. Immediately he shook his head. A worried frown lay on his forehead. “No, that can’t be true,” Míngzé denied instantly. Death could not be the result of an affinity removal. That was not possible.

In his eyes, people did not need affinities. The world would be better off without them. They might miss them at first, but eventually they will realize nothing major has changed. Perhaps they had to use a lighter again or let a papercut heal on their own. In the end they too would see that it was better this way when people no longer had to fear what they might do to others, or what could happen to them.

“I’ve seen entire families break because of them. Experienced first hand the damage it can do to a person. It is not worth it.” His own family never managed to fully recover. The pain and grief that had gone through them could never be healed.

For the first time during their conversation, Míngzé was lost for words. A bleak and troubled expression painting his even whiter face. All color had drained away and in silence he stared out in front of him. This was not— why would they— it made no sense.

Míngzé was plucking at his nails, his emotions shining through. “How did they do it? Remove them I mean,” his voice was strained and uncertain as he spoke. The real question he wanted to ask felt too heavy on his tongue and he could not do it.

Míngzé knew very well how more aspects of life could damage once life, most of them unavoidable. It was just fate. Terrible bad luck. But these affinities were linked to Xerneas, one would think they’d be linked to good fortune. “And before you know it, those accidents can lead to an affinity.” Making it even worse.

One eyebrow shot up the moment she called him out to be selfish and disturbingly so. “I am not only do—” Almost he’d made a slip up, but he managed to bite his tongue just in time. “There are more people who share these experiences, not only me and more people will follow,” Míngzé corrected himself. What he was doing, his whole goal, he was doing for everyone, not just him.

At his question he noticed the woman next to him move. Míngzé looked towards her in anticipation. There was something he had not noticed before, but now it was there. Perhaps it was soothing to some, but to him it was rather unsettling. She spoke about a crystal she possessed that can contain energy, only the one these people used was stronger. “Why do you carry such a crystal with you, even though it lacks the same power?” he wondered out loud. It seemed to go against what she believed.

There was a time when he would’ve been desperate to know what this object was she talked about, no matter the risks involved, but he did not need it anymore. For now at least.

His unspoken question, the one he wanted an answer to but at the same time he did not want to face whatever it was, got answered anyway. Míngzé clenched his jaw as he listened. The urge to deny it was there, even though subconsciously he knew she was telling the truth. “An affinity can do the same,” he said, although there was a hint of hesitation and doubt. Was it the same? Presumably not, but that did not matter. He had felt the loss of a part of himself, right after gaining an affinity.

She began explaining how she had learned to control the fire brought forth by her affinity. It made his skin crawl, sent shivers down his spine and he felt uncomfortable all together. All because of the way she explained how it lived within her. The whole process, it sounded horrible. As she spoke, he could imagine the fire burning beneath his own skin, desperately trying to erupt.

Míngzé cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the sickening feeling. It sounded absolutely horrible, but he would not say those words out loud, knowing that she would not agree. She would be able to spin it in some beautiful tale of finding one’s self and strength. Or something of the sorts. But she too had struggled at first, something they all did and still— Míngzé clenched his jaw. “You found this crystal, perhaps already knew something like this existed, but so many don’t. They are left to figure it all out themselves.” The question remained whether he would have sought that help if he had known it was available.

This time it was her turn to tell him it was not the same, resulting in Míngzé softly shaking his head. He let her speak, but he recognized himself in parts of her explanation, so how could he agree it was not the same.

The end of her tale was once more unsettling. Desperation and hopelessness washed over him as he felt everything slip between his fingers.. “Surely that is not the case for everyone,” he countered, his emotions layering the tone of his voice that was barely louder than a whisper. It was something he had to believe in, because he would not know what to do otherwise. The belief that he could free himself of this chain called an affinity, was what kept him going. What else could he do?

“You can’t know, it is all based on stories and experiences of others.” Again he was shaking his head as he spoke, but he was no longer sure who he was trying to convince.

The crystal had not helped her from the start, but his point did not change. He hummed softly. “How long did it take?” It was likely different for everyone, but Míngzé felt he would never have found the balance she spoke of.

His breathing stopped the moment her words reached him. Usually they would sound harsh and judgemental, which was not the case. Míngzé gazed at her, blinking a few times. He was tense all over and had his hands clenched to fists. Are you stupid? The words rang in his ears as she continued.

“I—” he started, not knowing where he was going with this. No, he would not call himself stupid, but a desperate man could make some very stupid mistakes. She told him she was the professional among the two of them, and given her explanation so far he could not argue that.

Míngzé turned his head away and brought a hand to his eyes to rub through them. “Fuck.” Not all that she’d said was true. It could not be true, he had to believe that. He had to believe it was all worth it and that it was going to be fine.

He dropped his hand. “I have to,” he said more to himself, the desperation bleeding through. If he were to believe her, trust her word, he would be lost. Because what would come next? It felt like giving up, something he simply could not do. He had to keep going.

“Five years,” Míngzé repeated as he was shocked. It had made her chuckle, but he could not see the amusement in it. The fact that she’d been young made it even worse, but he doubted she saw it as a bad thing. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like.” Five years for her to get control over the flames within her. It was too long. The few months with his previous affinity had already been too much.

At the start of the day he’d been so certain of everything he had been doing. An impenetrable armor fueled by determination. Now there were cracks, all caused by this one conversation. Doubt was seeping through and uncertainty took over. All because she told him how people lost their lives after successfully removing their affinity. The question was if that was worth the risk.

The woman told him to accept the change. But could he after all the harm it had already done? Who knew how much worse it might still become? Another risk he had to take.

“I guess I’m one of those people,” Míngzé confessed with a troubled expression. If not for these affinities, he would not have been having that conversation. Would that have been better? All he wanted was to live, but there was only one reason he was alive.

An empty laugh escaped as he leaned forward, placing his arms on his legs. “Now I’m not sure what is worse.” An affinity and everything that came with it, or being dead.

It was weird to hear someone else talk about their affinity, especially when she explained how it had saved her. That was not how he had ever experienced any of it. All he knew and heard was the bad it had done, never the other way around. Míngzé turned his eyes to the ground, fiddling with his fingers, unsure what to say next. No— there had it— surely it could’ve— He dug his nails into the palms of his hands.

Míngzé drew a deep breath as she told him what he already knew and he nodded. “I know,” he confessed. In a way he had brought this down upon himself. “Only it never felt like it truly saved me. All it ever did was drive me towards insanity. I tried to ignore it, continued living my life the way I had before, but it would not let me.” Instead it never left him alone. Almost making him feel like it was always watching. It had not saved him the way it had saved this woman. That was not how it felt.

“I guess, people make stupid decisions when staring death in the face.” Not an answer to her question. Perhaps because he did not know it either. The fact remained that he would’ve been dead right now if it hadn’t been for that one stupid choice.