Small steps

From where Zhènyǔ sat on a bench he had a clear view over the playground. It was one of those days where the sun was shining bright. Yet he only had eye for one small figure.

Xìnyì looked more lost than anything, standing in front of the large climbing rack that led to a slide. In his arms was his Raichu plushie that had seen better days. Other kids were already playing, climbing up and down, but they all ignored the smaller child. Everything about him screamed that he was nervous. The kid was too shy, always had been.

One or two more minutes and then he would stand up and help. Zhènyǔ looked down at his watch, counting the seconds. One minute and he would— it was then that he finally saw movement and Xìnyì was climbing up. Seeing this brought a smile to his lips and he could finally relax.

Or so he thought. A cry he was all too familiar with echoed in his ears and his eyes shot up immediately. Xìnyì came running toward him, mumbling something unintelligibly between his loud sobs. Zhènyǔ jumped to his feet immediately, but the child ran into someone and as a sobbing mess fell to the ground, hiding his face in his little hands. Those cries only grew louder.

“Xìnyì,” he yelled alarmed as he approached the two quickly.

Whatever the woman had said, he could see how the answer was a firm shake of the head. Xìnyì did not look at the woman, too shy for even that. “I— I—” The child really tried but each sob interrupted him.

Once Zhènyǔ joined the two, he lowered himself to one knee. His presence at least gave his son the courage to stand up with a bit of help. “I’m sorry,” he quickly said to the woman next to him.

”Chuchu.” His voice was but a whisper.  A small finger pointed towards the slide, a blue tunnel that went all the way to the ground. Zhènyǔ looked towards where he was pointing, his shoulders dropping slightly. “Did you lose Chuchu up there?” A chain of quick nods followed, causing Zhènyǔto drop his shoulders ever so slightly. Of course he did.

Purple eyes shot towards the woman for a moment. “It’s gonna be fine, yeah? We’ll get him back.” He brought a smile to his lips, one that did not fully reach his eyes as he looked towards the slide. It was definitely not made for someone his size. He preferred not to get stuck up there too. A soft sigh rolled over his lips as he made to stand up again.

Part of him hoped the woman would offer her assistance. A small string of hope, so easily broken. With her smaller posture climbing up there would be an easy task.

Before that hope could even begin to take root, it shattered into a million little pieces. Zhènyǔ looked at the both of them, seeing the hope gleaming in Xìnyì’s eyes. “Yeah— of course— I’ll get it back in no time, promise.” As the heroïc dad he was. He shot the woman one last pleading look, but knew it would be futile.

The stairs were only the first obstacle, feeling way too small for him because they were. A horizontal bar came next. It was made for kids so they would not accidentally stumble down the stairs. Going underneath it felt like too much of a hassle so instead he threw one leg over it, instantly regretting his choice. It was a tad too high and getting his second leg over reminded him that he was getting old. It went anything but smoothly and nearly caused him to feel the floor.

Xìnyì stood close enough to the woman that they nearly touched each other. A chuckle escaped as he brushed away the tears in his eyes with the back of his hand. “Hey, no laughing!” This only caused his son to chuckle a bit harder, his shoulders shaking as he did. It warmed his heart, but that did not make his own predicament any better.

Next obstacle; a small ladder that led to the upper floor of this construction. Meaning he was nearly there.

The tower was made for children. Not a fully grown man. As he could not stand up he was left with two options; walk like he had the worst hernia in history or crawl on all fours. There was no way he would crawl. Zhènyǔ walked forward, fully bent forward until he reached the yellow ladder.

A loud cheering filled the air around him. It caught his attention immediately and made him look up. A bad idea. His head hit the ceiling above him and strings of curse words rolled easily over his lips. Both the woman and Xìnyì were cheering him on, his kid imitating her and yelling the same thing as her between his laughter. By now everyone knew he was in there.

That’s it, he wanted to get out of here now. Without hesitation he climbed the tiny ladder and through the hole above that was way too small. Yeah, no, it was not working.

For a second the cheering stopped form Xìnyì’s side. ”What if he gets stuck? Like Chuchu?” A hint of worry was in his voice as his eyes were glued on his dad.

“This won’t work! It’s too tight!” Zhènyǔ yelled back for everyone to hear. A bit of squeezing and he might be able to go through, but he really did not want to.

If only he knew what kind of wicked lady he had just met, he would never have gone up here. The hole was a bit too narrow for someone of his posture. If he tried really—

The woman’s voice sounded first. It was impossible not to hear her and if he could hear her clearly that meant everyone else could too. ”Yes, daddy, squeeze through!” His whole head turned forty shades of red. That wicked woman—

“We’ll talk about this later!” It was all he could think of and after giving it a second thought, it probably made things even worse. With a new found urgency to get out of there, he forced himself through.

There it was. Right next to the slide was the plush Raichu doll that had seen better days. “Got it, coming down now.” Zhènyǔ refused to go the same way he’d come up here, which only left the slide. It was narrow, but it would be fine.

Hopefully.

Zhènyǔ lowered himself into the slide and went down. He had to push himself forward, which was not too bad, until he reached a turn. How it happened exactly he did not know, but he stopped moving all together and did not manage to get moving again.

“Nǐ tāmā zài kāi wánxiào ba—”

Maybe if he— no that did not work. And when— no still nothing. He could always—

Each time he tried something, be it moving his arms or pushing himself up or down, it felt like he was getting more stuck. How was this even possible? Were these things not supposed to be safe?

Everything from the outside world sounded muffled and dull, yet her laughter reached him with no effort at all. Xìnyì must have followed the woman and was now standing in front of the slide, something he should not be doing in any other situation. ”All you have to do is squeeze really really hard.” Zhènyǔ threw his head back in despair. What had he done to deserve this?

“Yeah— that is— I’m trying really hard bud,” Zhènyǔ said, his voice tinged with pain. Meanwhile he was not sure if this woman was still alive or if she’d died from laughter by now. “Can you maybe ask that very kind and sweet lady if she can lend me a hand or something?” He could not hide the hint of sarcasm. A determined ‘hm’ echoed through the tunnel, although he was certain she could hear him perfectly fine.

As the good kid Xìnyì was, he went back to the woman. “My dad needs your hand to get out.” Zhènyǔ could barely hear what his son was saying, and he really wished he couldn’t. His voice was soft and innocent. Now that he had to talk to her, his shyness had returned a bit as well.

This was stupid in every sense of the word. Zhènyǔ had never known more shame than he did that day. Who got stuck in a slide? Stories like these were better off never seeing the light of day. If possible he would take them to the grave.

If not for this one woman who was having the time of her life. Her laughing grew increasingly worse as time passed. But helping? No, of course not.

A dulled knock echoed through the tunnel and there she finally was. “You think I haven’t tried that?” If only to prove his point, he moved his arms in whatever way possible. “See?” Zhènyǔ movements grew more agitated. He was truly and utterly st—

In an instant he stopped moving. A realization dawned down upon him, but it was already too late. The back of his shirt was tearing and suddenly he moved forward a bit. A button from the front popped off too, more tearing and then suddenly he was greeted by the sun again.

The back of his shirt was ripped open to the middle and he was missing a button. “No laughing,” he warned the woman as he took a deep breath. Not able to look her in the eye.

Xìnyì only ran towards his dad to grab Chuchu who was finally returned to him, hugging the plushie tightly.  

They were face to face, but he lacked the courage to look her in the eye. Instead he focussed on one spot as he was taking deep breaths. He did not even dare to look down at the damage done to his shirt. The chill wind now brushing against his stomach told him enough.

At the first hint of a laugh his eyes shot up, purple meeting red. There was not much room between them and he could already see the twitch at the corner of his mouth. Zhènyǔ raised his brow, daring her to laugh after he told her not to.

There she went again, dying from laughter. It was contagious as Xìnyì joined her, having no idea why they were laughing. All his troubles from earlier were forgotten.

Zhènyǔ dropped his shoulders in defeat, his head hanging forward until his chin nearly touched his chest. He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes shut closed. “Yeah, yeah.” Neither of them seemed to stop. “Glad you two think this is hilarious,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Too bad it only caused Xìnyì to laugh harder.  He could not find the strength to stand up and show everyone how his shirt had turned to shreds.

If he could he would run away, but how could he? Running away meant standing up, which was not something he looked forward to. Too many people were watching. For now they were blind to the real damage, something that would quickly change once he stood up.

No, he could not go anywhere.

Zhènyǔ’s brow was tightly knitted together as his jaw was tense. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. All he could hear was the laughter from both of them. Until it finally lessened. Zhènyǔ dared to take a deep breath, hoping it was finally over.

The woman offered to buy Xìnyì ice cream. “Oh— no that is not—” Before he could intervene his son was already cheering, looking forward to this. “Fine,” Zhènyǔ said in defeat when finally standing up.

Zhènyǔ tried to look over his shoulder to determine the damage done. First he looked over his left shoulder, then the right one but became none the wiser. Judging by the cold wind brushing against his skin it was damaged beyond repair.

“Is it bad?” Zhènyǔ dared to ask, turning his back towards her, looking quite miserable. Meanwhile Xìnyì was running somewhere in front of them, knowing fully well where the ice cream truck was as they had passed it when coming here.

It was probably for the better that he was unable to see the back. The woman’s reaction told him enough. Not knowing was the better option.

Zhènyǔ gently tugged at the gap in his shirt where a button used to be. The one below it was holding on for dear life. He tried to pull it closed, searching for a way to fasten it, but he had to be careful to avoid tearing the back even further. In other words; it was not working.

In defeat he let his arms fall at his side. People were definitely looking, wondering what the hell he'd done. When he noticed their eyes burning on him, he sent them an angry glare, enough to make most look away. “Hm?” Zhènyǔ’s eyes widened as he turned to look at her.

“No! Definitely not, I can’t—” The see through thing she offered, could it even be classified as clothing? It did little to hide anything and was more a piece of cloth. She looked good in it, but he was not wearing that. “It is not that—” Zhènyǔ moved a little. A tearing sound came once more from his back. “—bad.” He gritted his teeth.

Reluctantly he held out his hand, not able to look the woman in the eye. What an embarrassment this was. “No need to buy something new,” he muttered barely loud enough to understand.