Small steps

Zhènyǔ kept his eyes fixed on Xìnyì who walked in front of them, tightly hugging Chuchu as he was discussing which ice cream they wanted. It was a shame he could not hear what he was saying, that would be an even better distraction.

It was a good thing that someone has never died from laughter. Hopefully…

Out of the corners of his eyes he could see the piece of cloth. The woman had undone herself for him and now held it out towards him, leaving her in a simple top which did not go unnoticed. “Thanks,” Zhènyǔ said through gritted teeth, his voice strained.

The fabric felt as thin as it looked. Zhènyǔ held it in his hands as he looked down on it. No way he was doing this. Would it even fit? Only one way to find out.

”Mā de.” His arms went through the sleeves first and already he noticed it was going to be a struggle. Zhènyǔ tried pulling it over the shirt he was wearing, or at least what remained. “How do you even get in these things?” So far it was anything but comfortable, nothing like what he was used to wearing. There also was no stretch at all. His head went next, and that's where the real struggle began. He had no idea how to get it over the rest of his chest, yet he refused to admit he was stuck again.

With some — a lot — of effort Zhanyu managed to pull the thing half way over his chest. The loose sleeves nearly felt like wings. It wasn’t like anything he had ever worn before. It was the first and last time. He started to feel like it might’ve been the wrong choice.

He did not immediately notice when the woman stopped walking, too busy with his own struggle. She might think it was easy, but he did not agree. “Okay— no— no way that this is going to work, at all.” Zhènyǔ gave up, his frustration evident.  He did not want to rip her shirt into shreds too.

As he was once more undressing, he could hear Xìnyì in the distance, yelling that the ice cream cart was right here. “One moment!” Zhènyǔ also stood still as he was removing her shirt again. All the struggling nearly undid his neatly tied bun. Stray locks of hair were already escaping everywhere and it was no longer on the back of his head.

“Thanks anyway,” he muttered when he finally had the shirt back in his hands, handing it over to her.

Zhènyǔ could not even look her in the eye as he gave back her shirt. What had he been thinking? One look at both of them and everyone knew it would never fit. The offer was nice, although it resulted in even more shame.

That was until her words reached him.

His purple eyes shot to hers instantly as he stared at her. No. He was never meant to wear it, at least not in the usual way. How had he not— why did he think—

Speechless he stared at her, then to the shirt and then back to her. At his side one hand curled into a fist, his knuckles quickly turning white.

“What?” It was all he could say, his voice hoarse as he did. He had made an absolute fool of himself. All of it made sense now.

The staring continued when the woman showed him what he should’ve done. It only added to his own shame. So simple and efficient. What had he been thinking trying to—

Zhènyǔ shook his head as he closed his eyes. At this point even a shredded shirt was better than wrapping anything over his shoulders.

It made more sense. Of course it did. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Zhènyǔ muttered as he turned around and continued walking. Best to forget this ever happened. What happened? Exactly, he did not know either. Nothing happened.

“The ice cart is right there.” At this point Zhènyǔ would do anything to change the subject. He was still unable to look at her.

Forgetting what happened and carrying on was the only thing he could do. Luckily there was the ice truck that served as the best subject changer there was. Xìnyì was already waiting for them, standing on his tippy toes to try and look at the flavors they had.

Before his son had even said anything, he already knew what he would go for. Chocolate and strawberry. In the end he always had to eat the leftovers because it was too much and he disliked both those flavors. ”And the blue one! With extra disco balls. Oh and, hm—” Xìnyì was pointing at it on the menu, a bright blue flavor called smurf ice. It looked like some chemical substance. Normally he would ask him if he could eat that much, but right then he did not care.

Zhènyǔ kept staring straight ahead, which meant he was glaring angrily at the employee. A kid from maybe seventeen just trying to earn some extra money. He failed to notice how they became visibly nervous. “I’m not— forget it, Lemon sorbet.” If only he saw the irony behind that decision he would’ve gone for something else.

There was no way Xìnyì would finish everything he’d ordered. It was too much and instead of a cone he got a cup. The look on the kids face told him enough, but he was too shy to complain. “You can have mine when I’m finished.” His face cleared up and he happily started eating. At least half the cone would be left when he was full. Zhènyǔ just knew it.

Zhènyǔ accepted both cones while the woman was paying for it. In the back of his mind he made a mental note to pay her back. “Here,” he  held her ice cream towards her once she was finished. “And what do we say to the lady?” Xìnyì was already stuffing his mouth full of ice, but managed a happy ‘thank you’. What even were manners?

“Good idea,” Zhènyǔ agreed, even if it was mostly for Xìnyì, before he also needed a new shirt. He followed her and sat down on the bench, the kid joining them and went to sit right in the middle. “It’s— it’s fine, you really don’t have to.” There was still a hint of irritation in his voice, all of it directed at himself. “We’ll just have to go home after this.” An early end to their little trip to the playground, but they could come back another time.

For a second he looked down at his son, when he noticed he’d stopped eating. The ice was melting at a rapid pace in the boy’s hands. Zhènyǔ gritted his teeth, wondering if he should say something about it or not. When Xìnyì only kept staring he held out his hand. “Here, let me hold it.” Zhènyǔ was fighting to keep the worry out of his voice. He was given the cup and held it on the boy’s lap so he could continue eating.

No matter that he held the small cup now, the ice cream inside had melted significantly by now. It was such a small thing, which would almost go unnoticed, but Zhènyǔ was aware of the problem. All he could hope for was that his son would one day master this affinity of his.

”I wanna go shopping,” Zhènyǔ could hear from next to him. He closed his eyes, suppressing a sigh that lay at the tip of his tongue. It was so hard to say ‘no’. Especially since it was not often he had a whole day to spend with him. “Looks like we are going shopping,” he muttered with a slight grumble to his voice.

The expression in his face stiffened a bit. “Sadly enough she’s no longer in the picture,” Zhènyǔ said softly, a sigh to his voice. It was not the subject he wanted to discuss with Xìnyì here, but for now he was too preoccupied with his almost melted ice cream. “Whenever I get the chance I try to spend time with him. It's better for him, he already spends too much time with babysits as it is.” Those rare moments where he was not out for work and had to rely on a babysitter for help. His purple eyes looked down on the kid as he was talking.