Silence like thunder

Míngzé felt horrible after he said goodbye to Victor, he had given him no other choice. He knew the other would not stop fishing for answers he was not going to get. No matter the guilt he felt, it was worth it if he could keep Victor safe that way.

Unlike himself.

These last days had not been great on him and he felt more tired than ever before. Sleep did not come, but for whole new reasons. He also spent more time sitting at his table instead of on his couch. But it was fine. It had to be.

A sigh rolled over his lips at the sound of the doorbell. So many people needed him these days, yet he was a bit reluctant to ask who it was. If he did not like them, he could simply not open the door.

Míngzé took a deep breath before talking through the intercom. “Yes?” he asked as neutral as possible.

There was no name, but he did not need one. Míngzé recognized the man’s voice immediately. It made him clench his teeth as a silence washed over him. Any other day he would’ve welcomed him. But not now.

Their phone call from earlier was still fresh in his mind. He could not let Victor come inside, not after everything. He’d heard the tone of his voice, the anger that had been present.

The silence went on for too long and Míngzé contemplated walking away without saying anything. “Go home, Victor,” he heard him say. No he would not open the door. It almost felt like a risk to do so. Míngzé turned his back to leave.

Míngzé brought his hand to his eyes, rubbing through them. A deep sigh escaped. Why could no one just leave him alone? He was tired and very much so for multiple reasons.

“No, I’m not,” he said dismissively and moved away from the intercom. He was on his way to the couch, when he changed his mind and just stood still. These last few days he’d felt lost in his own home. Not knowing where to spend his time or what to do.

By now the sweet pull of that artifact was nearly as suffocating as the feeling of emptiness his apartment gave him. So he simply stood there, waiting to see if Victor would go home or not.

Victor did not give up. No matter how often he ignored the doorbell without even answering at all, it kept on ringing. The sound was driving him mad honestly. Nothing in this place gave him peace anymore, not even his damned doorbell.

He tried holding his hands against his ears, muffling out the sound, but it was not enough. It did barely anything at all.

It was then that he opened up without saying anything. Next he threw open the front door, hard enough that he could feel a pull on the many wounds on his arm and hear the doorknob hit the wall.

With his arms crossed in the doorway, a look in his eyes that represented a raging storm. His fingers dug in his arms, one even in a wound, but he completely ignored any of it.

“Fuck off,” he said when someone — presumably Victor — arrived at his door.

Míngzé was not in any mood for this right now. He felt like shit, barely got any sleep last night and was tired of having people sticking their nose where it did not belong. It all added up, making him more agitated than he normally was.

With a clenched jaw he waited for whatever Victor had to say to him. Everything was better than the words clouded with worry he received. It made him clench his jaw even thighters.

“The same as what will happen to you if you keep this up.” It sounded like a threat even when he did not mean it like that. He was too tired to explain, change his words or whatever. He carefully crossed his arms over his chest.

Míngzé couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Shouldn’t that be a good enough reason to stop this? Not that he was one to judge, doing the exact same thing. “And still you want to get involved even more.” How could no one see that he was doing them a favor by keeping this from them? All of them had to get mad for one thing or another.

Lucina because he was friends with Sāng.

Vince because he refused to hand him the artifact.

And now Victor because he did not give him answers.

How sick and tired he was of the whole mess. The other was angry too, but he did not care. “Wow, you seem to have it all figured out, no need for me to say anything else.” He did not move away form his door, blocking the path for his friend to go in if he wanted.

But did it really matter?

Míngzé dug his nails in his palms until it hurt. If Victor wanted, he could bash right in with no trouble at all. He wouldn’t even see it coming. Like last time. The anger in his eyes made room for something else; uncertainty.

He heaved a deep breath, filling his lungs as he tried to calm himself down. “Besides, trust is a hard thing to earn,” he said, trying to let anger taint his voice. Right now, he did not know who he could trust anymore.

The easy solution was to come clean and tell hin everything. He could get the artifact that was hidden away and throw it at Victor. But what good would that do? For all he knew that would place a target on the other’s back as well

“There is nothing you can do to help, Victor. Just let it go and enjoy your life. Go back to the man you love, give him a hug and have dinner. This is not about you, so the best you can do is stay out of it.” Before it would consume his life too. It was not what he wanted for his friend.

If he could still consider him a friend after this…

Míngzé crossed his arms carefully as he hugged himself. There was someone else he’d considered a friend too, and look where it got him. So he clenched his jaw, words lost to him as he had no idea what to tell the other. He knew what he should say, what he had to do, yet nothing happened. Motionless he stood there. His hands trembled slightly but he masked it by holding both his arms.

How he hated himself for not saying anything.

No matter what he said, it did not seem like Victor was going to take ‘no’ for an answer. No matter the warnings he gave him, the man was too stubborn. “Then fucking don’t leave, make yourself at home while you’re at it,” Míngzé said as he threw his arms in the air. The movement slightly pulled on the wounds but he completely ignored it. By now that would not cause them to bleed anymore. With that he turned around and went inside his apartment again, leaving the door wide open.

“Not like I can make you anyway,” he muttered quietly, those words more directed to himself. People could come and go as they pleased anyway. Do whatever they want inside his apartment. He’d learned that the hard way.  

Míngzé pulled back a chair, the legs scraping over the ground loudly, before he sat down. He rested his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. He could not sit down on his couch, even though he could not see the blood spatters still decorating the light gray fabric.

Part of him had hoped that Victor would understand. That he would see that he was not welcome inside at all and leave. But no, he could hear the footsteps behind him. “Terrific,” he muttered softly to himself as he sat down. “Mind closing the door behind you at least?” Unless it did not matter. Unless everyone wanted to join him in his own apartment.

Victor was right with him soon enough, asking yet another question. “You’re asking an awful lot of questions for someone who’s not getting any answers,” Míngzé sighed deeply. He did not move from where he sat, only brought his fingers to his hair.

“How long do you think you can keep this up?” He still did not move at all, just as he did not answer even one of his questions.

As Míngzé sat there he closed his eyes for a moment. There was a table between him and Victor and no claws. He would be fine. Even when he could clearly hear that irritation slip into the man’s voice.

He removed his hands from his hair and leaned back in his chair. With his golden eyes he stared toward Victor, but kept his lips sealed as he seemed to think this through. In the end the corners of his mouth pulled slightly up, a smile that did not reach his eyes.

“Then you might as well let me know what you want for dinner and how you like your coffee in the morning.”

No, he was not going to say anything.