Housewarming party

This had been a bad idea. Míngzé had toyed with the idea of canceling his family dinner he was hosting in honor of his first apartment. It was the smart thing to do. He was not up to the task. His mind was still somewhere in a desperate attempt to find himself. If he noticed something was wrong, how would his own parents be blind to it? They knew him too well. His sister too. Even Qiān was still stuck in his ball and had been for the last few days.

Vaguely he could hear someone speak, and then the voice became clearer and he recognized it as Lányù’s. The smell of the soup he was stirring also came to the surface again.

“Did you say something?” he asked as he looked up at Lányù. While stirring his thoughts had drifted off to a far away place, but they were now pulled back. Again he was reminded that this was wrong. That they shouldn’t be doing this at a time like this. “Sorry, I uh— I got distracted for a moment.” Míngzé had no idea what they were talking about. The soup was boiling and probably even ready, still he was stirring.

Finally, he stopped stirring the soup and put the wooden spatula away in the sink. Lányù turned towards him and he had a good idea of how she was looking at him. It was a face he could vaguely remember from years ago, when his vision had been better. A look of worry probably clouded her eyes. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”He gave her a small smile that did not reach his eyes. There was no way Míngzé could tell her anything. He knew he’d promised that he would talk about it, but not with her. It was history repeating itself.

The soup was boiling and he quickly turned off the stove before it would burn. “The soup is ready, I can start on the potatoes if you can cut the vegetables.” Míngzé knew exactly where everything was and already had the bag of potatoes in front of him and the peeler in his hands. Hopefully she would let it go now that he’d given her something else to do. Slowly he started peeling the potatoes, being careful not to peel off his own skin. “Mom and dad will be here at five,” he continued his attempt of pretending nothing was wrong.

Lying to someone who has always been in your life was near impossible. If something was wrong with Lányù he would also notice it immediately. Míngzé sighed at the realization that this really had been one big mistake. It did not come as a surprise, but now he was certain. Maybe he could still call his parents and cancel. “It’s nothing. I’m not sleeping that well, probably because I’m still getting used to this place. It’s different from our home.” A simple lie, but not one that was unbelievable. Even before— he had not been sleeping well. If he took that into account, it was not even a lie.

Míngzé stopped peeling the potatoes when Lányù asked about Qiān. He tried not to think about him, but other people noticed his absence, especially his sister who knew that the pokémon was always around. “He needed some time for himself,” he said as he continued his work like nothing happened. It was true, the pokémon needed some time off from the looks of it. Although putting him away in a pokéball was probably not the best idea.

He looked at Lányù, but mostly at the knife she held. “Are you trying to cut through my counter?” he asked, another attempt at pretending.

Everytime he closed his eyes for sleep, those memories slipped back into his mind. At least, Miongze feared that’s what they were. There were missing pieces in this puzzle, but it was a puzzle he did not want to finish. He rather lost all the pieces than keeping the remaining ones. Combined with the fact that he was alone in his apartment ever since he’d locked Qiān in his ball, caused a lack of sleep.

Again Míngzé felt his mind wander away as he was slowly peeling the potatoes. Lányù’s loud curing broke through to him and he let go of everything he was holding immediately. “Are you alright?” he asked concerned as he stepped closer and lay a hand against her arm. “Did you cut yourself?” This was always what bothered him the most, his inability to know what was wrong with someone. For all he knew, Lányù had cut off a finger and he wouldn’t know.

But she was quick to turn the conversation around again, so she was probably fine. He slowly let his hand drop from her shoulder again. “I don’t know what's wrong, okay? I really don’t,” he said louder than intended, giving in to the pressure. Míngzé took a staggering breath. None of it made any sense. He still wasn’t sure if all of it had simply been a bad dream.

“Uhm yeah— I do.” For a moment Míngzé was disorientated, and that in his own kitchen where everything was neatly organized. Eventually he moved to a drawer where he kept a small first aid kit. With shaking hands he opened the kit and went through the bandages. “Do you need a large one?” Luckily for her, he was well prepared for this kind of injury.

One that wraps fully around. Hopefully that meant the cut was not too bad. Míngzé found one bandage and handed it over so that she could apply it. It would be easier if someone else could do it for her, but that was out of the option. “Is it bad?” he asked while closing the medkit again. “Let me know if I can help.” Míngzé was worried, of course he was worried, even if it was only a small cut. It was just like she was worried now too. Even if she’d cut herself really badly, he would want to know about it. That was only fair.

A small smile broke through when he felt her shoulder against his, but the smile did not reach his eyes. Something about physical contact he liked more than simple, plain words. “I don’t think you can help me with this one,” he confessed. “Like I said, I don’t know what happened. It’s part of the reason why Qiān is in his ball.” It felt wrong to keep him locked up in there, but it was the only thing he could do. The only reason he did not question his own sanity completly, was because the pokémon's behavior.

Míngzé moved so that he stood next to Lányù, also leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “A few days ago I went to the beach with Qiān, like we do almost every week, and—” he swallowed back his words as he tried his best to decipher how to say this. Softly he started rubbing his own arm. “I think I got attacked, but next thing I know I wake up on the beach, a day later,” Míngzé told her with an uncomfortable laugh. It all sounded so unbelievable. And that was minus everything in between. “Maybe I just hit my head.” Although there had been no injury at all.

A small smile formed on his lips when Lányù put her trust in him. Carefully, afraid that he might hurt her, he followed her instructions. It was not easier than doing it yourself, but that did not matter. The fact that she let him do it and helped, already meant a lot.

Míngzé shook his head, again placing a hand against her arm. “Don’t worry,” he tried to reassure her. “Nothing like that.” But maybe it would’ve been better. At least then it would’ve been a simple human being. “Just a bunch of wild pokémon,” he continued while lifting his shoulders. He kept his gaze towards the floor. With what happened to their brother, could he even tell her what happened. Their brother never did and look where that got him.

With some effort, he forced himself to keep talking. “Something happened, but it’s a mess— in here.” Míngzé tapped his head. “I sort of remember being underwater, but that’s impossible. My clothes were fully dry when I woke up.” None of it made sense. Still, there was something telling him what happened, but it was a feeling he couldn’t place.

This is where he should stop and let it be. Maybe a simple lie. Míngzé could tell her this was all he remembered, that there was nothing more. But she was his sister. Out of everyone, she knew fully well that he could not swim, that he even avoided the sea as much as possible. “It’s not summer anymore, Lányù,” he reminded her. Even after a day it would’ve been impossible for his clothes to dry with what little sun they had. “Even if it had, it would’ve smelled.” Those clothes he’d worn that day were now somewhere in the trash.

What else?

It was the first time he spoke about it, and saying it all out loud made everything even more surreal. If those memories didn’t come back over and over again, he would’ve thought he’d gone completely mad. “I don’t remember ever reaching the surface again. I was— I was underwater and then I was on the beach and Qiān was not there. He was still looking for me. ” A smile broke through, but it was more one filled with uncertainty and loss.

Quickly he turned around, back to the potatoes he was cutting. “Like I said, I must’ve hit my head or something,” he said as an attempt to lighten up the mood. Míngzé peeled the potatoes way faster as before, missing a lot of spots but he did not even notice his sloppy work.

He’d told her what he knew, or thought he knew. It was a messy story, but that was how it was in his head. One big mess he could not comprehend himself. But now she knew too and he was ready to stop talking about it. Of course his sister wouldn’t let it go. Míngzé closed his eyes when she started asking more questions. Question he had no answers for.

“Lányù, I don’t know,” Míngzé said stronger this time. The potato he’d been peeling he deemed ready and thus he let it fall into a pot, only to grab a new one and start all over. “You can’t d— if that happened, there is no way that I’m standing here right now like nothing happened.” Míngzé threw his arms in the air for a second before he continued. See, that’s the problem. It was impossible. ”So don’t be ridiculous,” he said, his voice sharp. Lányù did not deserve that tone of voice, but he could not help it. The next potato he basically threw into the pot as his frustration was growing. It was a combination of stress, lack of sleep and the uncertainty that just became too much.

It was wrong of him to talk to her that way, but taking them back now was impossible. A small part had hoped she would not push aunty further and leave it at that. Of course she didn’t. Míngzé lowered everything he was holding and placed it down before turning around to look at her. The light inside was enough for him to at least see her movements. “Yes,” Míngzé replied as he narrowed his eyes. It was exactly what he’d done, partly because he did not know what else to do. He’d tried texting Fellin, but that went wrong and he was not going to tell any of this to someone he’d just met.

“That’s exactly what we are going to do.” It was too late to cancel their dinner because it would only raise more questions Míngzé did not want to answer. This, all of this was not even part of the plan. He instantly regretted telling her any of this. “Like I didn't what?” Míngzé challenged her, even taking a step forward. Whatever she would throw at him, it could not be true. He would deny it like he’d done so for days.

Lányù was making everything more difficult than it should’ve been. If she was smart, she would agree with him and say that it was impossible. They shouldn’t be having this conversation over some fever dream he had while he lay knocked out on the beach. “You wanted to know and I told you, didn’t I? What more do you want?”

Something resembling a laugh escaped. She wanted him to say it? Hopefully she had a lot of time on her hands because he refused. “And what exactly do you want me to say? That some pokémon attacked me? That I hit my head and passed out for Arcues knows how long?” That was all she would get out of him. If only she was not his sister and did not have the same stubborn personality as his.

Míngzé cocked an eyebrow at her, only to then shake his head. “There is nothing to say, Lányù,” he retorted. He was fully done with this conversation and strode past her out of his kitchen and towards the living room. It was not deliberately, but as he walked past her, he accidentally bumped into her with his shoulder, which he chose to ignore. Whatever she wanted him to say, did not happen, so he refused.