[Journey] All through the nighttime

It worked. They did not seem to notice him at all and Míngzé even ended up finding a bench. He sat down, glad to give his body a bit of rest. As he sat there, he listened to the conversation between the two people. From what he gathered, he might be at the right place. Sadly enough, he was still nowhere near discovering where exactly he needed to go.

Míngzé gritted his teeth, once again pushing the idea that he could not do this away. He had been unable to help Djodie, but he could do this. The conversation came to a stop and he could hear the officer coming closer. What was there to lose? Míngzé stood up from his seat. “Excuse me, officer?” he said with a hand slightly raised, trying to get her attention.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.” There was a careful smile on his lips, but also a hint of uncertainty. “You see I just moved here and I must say— I’m a bit worried.” Míngzé moved his cane in front of himself and held it with both hands. If they knew he was blind, they might not find these questions stranger. “Are there any places I can better avoid? I wouldn’t want to get in any trouble.” His heart was beating rapidly in his chest as his unfocused eyes were on the officer. Dai went to sit at his feet, calmly waiting and behaving like the perfect obedient dog.

Míngzé could feel his heart hammering in his chest as he stopped the officeren and went on to speak with her. It was his hidden intentions, the fact that he was trying to gain information, which made him nervous. Not that he was doing anything wrong, but that did not matter. He made a smile appear on his lips. “Thank you so much officer.” Normally when he spoke to someone he tried to have a bit of eye contact, in this situation he was really trying his best to make his eyes wander, not knowing where to look. A poor blind person who wanted to stay out of trouble, that was exactly what he was.

He could ask for specifics, but felt like that was pushing his limits. Míngzé was not that great of a liar. “I’ll be sure to avoid those places in the future.” Not that he normally had any reason for being there. He waited for the officer to leave, carefully listening to her footsteps, before he would make his way towards the warehouses.

This whole thing, it was so much and he was living off adrenaline. Míngzé couldn’t exactly say he felt safe, because that was not at all the case. He simply tried not to think too much about it. There were things that gave it away however. He was sweating, held on to his cane as if his life depended on it, and was a bit too distracted by everything. Just what the fuck was he doing playing the hero?

This was a stupid idea. He should not be here. There was no way he was fit for the job.

With each step, Míngzé felt more and more unsure. Draid settled deep into his bones. Still he only felt himself going forward, straight into the hands of danger if you'd ask him. It was not  too late to turn back and pretend this all never happened. But that simply was not who he was. He desperately wanted to help others too, be the hero for once.

Large building towered over him. For some reason he felt like he was at the right location. Dai was still at his side, staying very close to Míngzé. The creature did not know what was going on or why they were here in the first place, he was simply following. “I think we’re—” Míngzé started, but the cold chill down his spine sent a shiver through the rest of his body. It was still so very unsettling.

Find me

Again the same thing. Míngzé heaved a deep breath. “I’m trying, I really am,” he muttered while he started walking again. It was almost as if his legs had a mind of their own, like they knew exactly where to go. He went for one of the buildings, first toward something he could only assume was the entrance, which was large and imposing and very much locked, before ending up at the side.

Míngzé could not shake the uncomfortable feeling coursing through him. The idea that he had not simply made this choice himself, but that something had brought him here was unsettling. He hated it. Something creaked, causing his heart to nearly skip a beat. “Fuck,” he muttered quietly. How the heck was all of this even possible.

Carefully Míngzé reached out, first feeling the cold metal of the door. All he had to do was gently pull on it and the door opened. His breath was stuck in his throat as he heart was hammering in his chest. Naturally he was very nervous, scared even because he would be stupid if he wasn’t. “Do you see anything, Dai?” he muttered to the small pokémon, who responded with some silent noises. “Yeah, me neither.” Míngzé took a deep breath, before taking his first step inside the building. It would do him no good to let his eyes adjust to the change of brightness, if there even was any. Yet he listened carefully to every sound, trying to not make any sound as he took yet another step.

Dai stood close to him and Míngzé could feel him pressed against his leg. He also did not trust this place. Carefully Míngzé reached out to something next to him, feeling the cold metal touching his fingers. They were clearly bars of some cage.  He held his cane like a lifeline as he stood there, hands shaking as the realization of what exactly he was doing came crashing down on him.

What was he doing?

More than once Míngzé had asked himself that question tonight. This was not something he should be doing. No, people who were trained for this, they should be the ones stepping into this warehouse. And yet here he was, playing the hero he so desperately wanted to be. There was a lump in his throat and only the adrenaline kept him going. He tried not to think about the risks and the what if’s, only told himself that he could do it. He was not useless. Part of his reason for being here was exactly that. To prove to himself he was right, that he was not useless.

And yet Míngzé was lost in this unfamiliar place. There was only so much he could discern and his heart was beating in his throat. There was light in front of him and a few other smaller ones around him. Next to him he heard Dai’s soft whining as he only moved in closer. Míngzé wanted to tell him they would be fine, but he was not able to form any words.

It was a stupid idea, but did he have any other options besides turning back and letting this go? It would mean failure, again he would let someone suffer because he was not strong enough or too stupid to realize someone was right for being worried.

Míngzé took a staggering breath before taking a step forward towards the light straight ahead. And one more. One hand was still resting on the cage, tracing it as a guideline. Slowly he took another step, only to come to a halt before he would directly step into the light.

It was only then that he noticed he was shaking all over, that tears actually burned in his eyes once more that evening. He could not do it. What was he thinking? He was no hero. What if by some strange miracle he found the creature, then what? He could not do it. Fear, panic and uncertainty had taken root that instant. On unstable legs he turned around too quickly and for a moment he lost his balance. Because his hand was still on the cage, he could use it as support and it kept him from falling to the ground, although it sent a cry of pain through his ribs.

It started with a familiar coldness that sent goosebumps to his skin and a shiver down his spine. Míngzé tried, he really did, to block them out, but it was no use. Soon the voices echoed through his mind, their sound overpowering every thought he had.

”Shut up, shut up, shut up—” Míngzé whispered but even his own voice was pushed back by the voices in his head. Pressure built up in his chest once more, only fueling his fears more. Everything was cold, so very cold. It did not take long for his legs to give out. His fingers curled around his hair as he pulled on it. The pressure on his chest, the feeling of water filling his lungs once more scared him more than anything else. The idea of not being able to breathe. Míngzé was desperately trying to take deep breaths, but together with his own panic it was nearly impossible.

And then they were gone. Only his own frail mind and pathetic state left as proof that it had even happened. They were right. Míngzé could only agree as he sat there with his knees pulled up and slightly leaning forward. The strength to stand up was lost to him.

In the distance he could hear the voices of people. They had heard him and were now coming his way. This was where he should stand up and leave or just do something, but he was frozen in place. That other presence had helped him yet here he was, unable to do anything. It made him wonder why he even tried. Because each time he tried anything, he failed.

But that way of thinking would not help him or anyone else either. Slowly he lowered a shaking hand and opened his eyes again.Not that it mattered, it was too dark and he hated it. With one hand reached out he moved forward on all fours. If he stayed low, they would maybe not immediately notice him. Again something cold touched the tips of his fingers, another cage like one of many. Just how many pokémon were locked up here? It was sickening.

His hand moved further over the cage and it was then that he noticed the slight dents in the bar, as if something had tried to bite his way out of it. It made sense, what other option did they have? He continued tracing the cage while he was still on his knees. If it had a lock he wanted to know if it was one he could open without the use of a key. Yet his hands were still unsteady and his whole body was still shaking, no matter what. That one pokémon had helped him, which was the reason he kept trying.