[Journey] All through the nighttime

The sun was already setting the moment he left school, but before he went home, he decided to get a coffee in the city. It was not a far walk, and it was not too busy so he left the shop quickly with a cappuccino in hand. Normally Dai was calm when they were outside. He was always sleeping and only woke up occasionally. Now however, he did not sit still. He was tossing and turning inside his jacket. It almost made him spill his cappuccino multiple times during the five steps it took him to get to his usual bench. Was that thing trying to catch his own tail or something?

A deep sigh sounded as he finally managed to get to the bench and sat down, the cup beside him. “Allright, allright, give me a second.” Míngzé opened his jacket and took the pokémon that had been sleeping there out of it. He placed the pokémon next to him on the bench and immediately it started shaking his fur. A sigh rolled over his lips as he looked at the pokémon. Even now he still was unsure what to think of the creature. It looked so innocent. As if in response, he could feel his arm throb.

He let the pokémon stroll around while he added sugar to his cappuccino. The heat would do him good in these cold temperatures. It did not take long before he could feel paws on his leg and a wet nose against his hand. He immediately held his drink out of range. “No, that’s not for you.” The pup seemed to understand him and moved away again, his small nails ticking against the wooden seat.

Míngzé leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes for a second. He did not mind the colder weather that much. It was actually rather nice if he put on enough layers. His drink helped with this.  A few minutes here and then he would go home. Or maybe he should first go to get some groceries. It was like this every day. Always he thought of something else to do before he would go home.

He took a small sip from his drink, but stopped in his movement mid air. His eyes were open again, but he was mostly listening to his surroundings. All he could hear was Dai next to him, still walking around. Slowly he lowered his cup, very aware of every move he made.

Something was not right. The hair on the nape of his neck stood on end. “Come on, it’s time to go.” Luckily the pup jumped on his lap, making it easier to pick up the pokémon and tucking him away in his jacket once more. He threw his cup away, even though it was still full. Trying his best to appear normal, he followed the path he always took on his way home.

As he was walking he couldn’t help but pinch his own hand, a reality check, just to make sure he was not sleeping. The sharp sting shot through his hand. It was probably nothing. Just the chill that came with this cold weather. Míngzé took a deep breath and kept a steady pace as he walked. Even when he heard something behind him, he forced himself to not turn around.

Just ignore it.

Míngzé drew a sharp breath through his nose and picked up the pace ever so slightly. The movements of his cane were rash and less controlled. The sooner he was home, the better. But then again, it was not like he would feel any safer there.

A whisper in his ear and Míngzé turned on his heel immediately. For a moment he expected someone to be there. “Who is there?” he spoke loudly, looking over his surroundings. Míngzé’s eyes were wide open and his breathing heavy. Golden eyes landed on a dark spot amidst the streets that were illuminated. His legs urged him to turn around and leave as soon as possible, but he was frozen on the spot.

Again he turned around, this time facing the road behind him. Turning his back again felt like the worst thing he could do in this situation. Míngzé cautiously set a few steps back. “If this is some kind of joke, it ain’t funny,” he continued, a hint of anger that was brought forth by fear slipped in his voice. Those words tugged at his mind, pulling at things he did not want to think about.

It was winter and it was cold outside, yet this drop in temperature was different. This was not something he could compare to anything else. A bone chilling cold traveled through his body. There was something at his hands, but at the same time there was nothing. Míngzé pulled Dai closer with one arm as he held onto his cane with the other.

Míngzé knew what this was, he’d felt it a few times now, heard those same voices every time he closed his eyes. But then it was just his dreams toying with him. This was different. Visceral horror climbed his throat, making it impossible to say anything. Why he wanted to ask, but his voice was lost to him. He kept looking around himself, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever was there, all while taking one step back at a time.

When there was something at his ear, he immediately turned around to face it. The swiftness of his turn nearly caused him to lose his footing. By now he had no idea where he came from anymore or where he was going.

There was one thing he knew and that was that he had to get out of here. Yes, he was afraid. A fear that had never left him ever since that day on the beach. Míngzé was ready to turn around once more in the direction he thought he should go to when that voice sounded again. His eyes widened and every muscle in his body told him to run. Just like that voice had said.

But what would it matter? It had never helped him last time and he knew he could not get away. “What do you want from me?” he asked and hated how his voice did not sound as strong as he’d hoped it would. “Why can’t you leave me alone?” he continued his desperate yelling at whatever was there.

Míngzé did not know what he hoped to gain by calling out. If anyone were to pass now they would think him a madman given how he yelled at nothing. It did not matter. He would not run, no matter what they believed. Not because he finally found his courage, but because it would not matter anyway.

The voices sounded again and Míngzé turned his head away, closing his eyes tightly shut. One hand already went to his ear, like that would block those whispers from entering his head. Yet as those words pierced right through him, he dropped his hand slowly. No matter what, every word cut him deeply. It was like he got stabbed with a knife with every passing sentence.

They spoke in riddles and if the words did not hurt, they confused and scared him. “What?” he asked breathlessly as he tried to process every word that was being said. Came to them? Became them? A new wave of confusion and panic flew right through him. “I never—” Míngzé started but bit the words back. No matter how much he wanted to deny that he chose this, it would not be true. He had accepted the offer in a moment of desperation, while he could have said no. He had been afraid back then, and he had been afraid ever since. Shown by his restless sleep. A shaky breath rolled over his lips. Míngzé did not want to be afraid. Fear is what got his brother killed.

Míngzé opened his mouth, ready to say some more, but the words died before they could leave. A head cracking headache hit him like a stone brick. His hand flew to his head as he shut his eyes in pain. The pain was too much to think clearly and using his arm he searched for some kind of support which he found in the cold stone brick wall next to him.

Before he got all turned around and when he took his first steps forward he was only guessing he was going in the right direction. Being the way he was now, it would be impossible to walk the rest of the way home. The closest place he could go to that he knew, was the coffee shop he came from earlier. It should not be that far away. If he went the right way.

He pushed himself away from the wall, instantly regretting the decision as his legs felt buckle underneath his weight. WIth one hand he clamped to his cane, the thing moving but he was not paying attention to it. If it hit something, he would not even realize. With his other he tried to support the pokémon still in his jacket and at the same time tried to go for his phone. The device ended in his hand. “Call eh—” he started, but he was not sure who exactly to call and the headache made thinking nearly impossible. Meanwhile he did his best to make his way out of the alley and towards where he assumed the coffeeshop was.

This blinding headache felt like it was taking over every part of his body. It was disorientating in so many ways. Míngzé tried, he really had tried to call someone. A few more steps, is what he kept telling himself but even that was too much. Calling someone was the wise thing to do. Lányù, he could call— Before Míngzé could do anything about it he felt the cold stone wall at his side as his legs gave way and his eyes fell shut.

The coldness surrounding him was still there when he slowly came back to consciousness. Did he pass out? He must have. With a groan Míngzé opened his eyes, only to be welcomed by white lights. Was it morning already? Carefully he tried to move his sore muscles that felt strangely odd. At least the headache had quieted down, which must count for something.

Míngzé finally opened his eyes fully, but that was when it felt like his whole world seemed to come to a standstill. For years this had been what he dreamed about constantly, to open his eyes and see. Now he knew better. Panic curled itself around his heart. Míngzé lifted his hand to touch his eyes, only to see it was anything but a hand. As he screamed out, he desperately tried to back away from it, but he couldn’t as it followed as he moved. His scream too had been anything but human.

”What the fuck,” he said, but even that felt wrong in so many ways. With his eyes now wide open, he slowly looked up at his surroundings. With this building panic it felt like his muscles were frozen in place, unable to move.

This was a dream. It must be.

There was no way he could stay calm in a situation like this. Míngzé did not even really know what this was. Nothing felt the way it was supposed to, because of course not. He would’ve totally lost it if it was not for whatever was here too. At first he thought it was another person that was physically here, but it was so much more complicated. It took the edge off him, calming his racing nerves as the panic drifted off again. Míngzé released a deep breath.

While he had long since forgotten what he truly looked like, he knew that fur, tails and sharp teeth were not part of him. Tails— Focus. Míngzé shook his head, trying to get all those thoughts out of his head. This was not the time to freak out. Slowly he started using those unfamiliar muscles to move around in what little space he had. It was all so weird, the movement of those tails moving as he did sent a weird sensation through him. A cage. How the fuck was he— no, no this was not really him, was it? There was something else here too after all. In his head and he was not certain if that thought was comforting or not.

Everytime he moved, he could feel this body ache. Just what happened to get it into this state? Míngzé tried to see what exactly hurt, but the combination of being able to see things and what he saw was extremely disorientating. Then there were also his other senses that seemed to be heighted even more. If it was not for whatever there was, he would not have been able to do anything at all.

So far Míngzé saw nothing out of the ordinary. He closed his eyes, focussing on his hearing. His face twitched as he felt those ears turn to whatever he heard. With the threatening headache at the edge of his consciousness, that proved to be more difficult. An uncomfortable thought came to mind. With his eyes still closed he tried to bite back the headache as he reached out to whoever — or whatever — was here with him. Maybe they knew more, about where he— they?— where and what happened. Not only to him, but to the body he was in. Fuck, this was weird.

Unlike before he could now feel four legs giving out under his weight when the headache got too much. But not before he could hear what sounded like water in the distance and the desperate voice of whatever creature was here with him. Then everything went black once more, only this time it stayed that way.

—

Slowly he opened his eyes again and part of him expected to see the same dark environment. It was indeed dark, but one he had grown familiar with over the years. A lump formed itself in his throat, one that was impossible to swallow. It was gone, again. Each time fate teased him with the possibility of sight, only to snatch it away not a moment later. Míngzé thought this was something he had made peace with a long time ago, and he had. Never in a million years had he even thought about the possibility that he would see again. Now it felt like an old wound that was roughly reopened.

His body ached all over, some places worse than others. A painful sting shot through his ribs the moment he tried to move, causing him to his loudly. “Of course— why the— fuck.” Even talking hurts. This all must be some kind of crude joke. Somewhere someone was laughing at all his suffering. Through the pain he managed to get himself into a sitting position, his back against the cold wall behind him as he cradled his ribs. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he desperately wanted to blame the pain for causing this.

Shouldn't he be glad to be back? Yes, he should be. But this sense of loss was all too familiar and it hurt more than ever before. Dai was still whining as he placed his paws against him. “Just give me a moment,” Míngzé muttered to the pokémon who did not give up. With his eyes closed he rested his head against the wall. Nothing changed. He had to remind himself. There were simply some more images floating around in his head, which felt like an almost new experience. Nothing major.

Míngzé took a deep breath, which he immediately came to regret. He felt around the ground, looking for his phone he should’ve dropped somewhere around here. Find me. His movements became more desperate the longer it took. It was useless. He was useless. With a loud scream he hit the ground with his fist. It was enough to release some of the anger.

He leaned back against the wall once more. Dai had only started whining louder, not knowing what was going on and what he could do. ”You really put your faith in the wrong hands,” Míngzé muttered with an almost defeated laugh. He gazed up at the empty sky. How was he supposed to find some pokémon that could be anywhere, if he could not even find his phone that was simply on the ground somewhere around him? Yet everything he had just experienced haunted his mind. The cries, his own aching body, the damned metal bars.

For now however he did not feel like getting up just yet.

For many years he had lived like this. A life where he was unable to see what something truly looked like besides a colorful blob. It has been years since he last had a real image in his head. Once Míngzé would’ve begged to remember the sight of something, but now it felt like a curse.

Míngzé hated the feelings that went through him right now. All he really wanted to do was stay here and not get up. Which was not an option. Even when Dai came even closer, licking his cheek he stayed unmoving. Only a sad smile broke through. “Yeah, I know,” he muttered quietly. Eventually he lifted a hand and petted the pokémon on his head. The pokémon probably took it as a good sign because he retreated. Next to him the light of his phone shone bright. It lay mockingly close to him and still he’d missed it. Míngzé swallowed the lump in his throat and reached for his phone. Sitting here drowning in self pity was not doing anyone any good.

Dai once more pressed his nose against him, only when Míngzé reached out this time, he felt the bloody cane in the pokémons mouth. He inhaled sharply before grabbing that thing too. “Thanks.” It left a sour taste in his mouth, but what else could he do? While he was anything but a hero, it seemed he had to try and be one. What else could he do? Going to the police was hardly an option. Besides, doing something was better than nothing at all

His ribs protested a bit when he stood up, using the wall behind him as support. “We have one stop to make before heading home,” Míngzé told his pokémon as he grabbed his phone. From what he had gathered they might have to go to the harbor. He was not completely sure, but with the sounds he had heard, that was his only lead. While he had no address, he used his phone to guide him in that direction. Míngzé tried his best to ignore his shaking hands as he worked. The voice on his phone started speaking, telling him were he should go. “Alright, this way,” Míngzé said with a deep sigh as he started walking. After what just happened, it felt weird all over again to use his own body.

While Míngzé walked through the many different streets of Sanctum City, he kept doubting himself. This felt like an impossible task and yet here he was, ready to try at least something before giving up. How difficult could it be to find an unknown location where they kept pokemon in such bad situations? It was best not to think too much about the answer.

The harbor was his best and only bet, so that is where he went. The call of wingulls filled his ears and while they could appear anywhere, they mostly stayed here for the fish. At his side he could hear Dai whine once more. Míngzé could not blame the pup as he had no idea what was going on. “Don’t worry, I’ll have one look around and then we’ll go home,” he told the pokémon who was also tired by now.

Míngzé walked a bit further, his cane scanning the ground in front of him. It was always a bigger struggle to find his way around when he was somewhere unfamiliar. To be fair, he absolutely hated it. There were still people here. Whatever conversation was going on about fish got overshadowed by another one that caught his attention. At least there was something positive about being disabled, people often didn’t see you as a threat.

“Stay close,” Míngzé softly ordered the pup at his feet who barked shortly. Going directly up to them would not work, so what he did was carefully moving in closer. With his cane he pretended to look for something as he held out his other hand as if he was searching for a bench or something to sit on. His ribs did not like it all too much, but he tried to ignore those. Even if there was a bench, he did not care, he simply tried to listen to the conversation between these two people and hopefully he would hear more now that he was closer to them. Dai was still running around his feet and cane too, not knowing what to do with this situation.