the city's gone cold

When sleep did not welcome him, he always turned on a tv show, and every time the same one. It helped. The fact that he knew what was coming brought him some peace. While the people on the TV spoke, discussing what was wrong with their new patient, Míngzé let his eyes rest. Their voices were calming, distracting him from everything else he experienced. There was so much more that he was able to perceive as of lately and it was a lot for him. He was far from comfortable with it, making mundane things like sleeping difficult.

That and he could not shake the feeling that he was not alone. Sometimes he was, but other times he somehow knew even when there was no one with him.

Dai was asleep on his lap, snoring silently while Wěi was asleep on his bed. The only one who was still away was Míngzé. His eyes were heavy, but still it was not enough to actually fall asleep. Maybe in an hour or two it would be easier.

Or not. A knock sounded, immediately alarming Dai. The houndour jumped to his feet, barking loudly at the door. It made Míngzé jump in response and he nearly fell out of his couch. “Fuck, Dai, shut up,” he cursed, now wide awake. Dai however did not listen and kept barking, mixed with a low growl.

With his heart still beating in his chest, Míngzé made his way towards the door. He couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. Who would need him at this time of the evening? “Yes? Who’s there?” he asked with the door still closed. The small peakhole each door had was useless. As he waited for a reply, he held his breath.

The voice from behind the door was one he recognized immediately. There was a small sting, one he tried to ignore the best he could. A few weeks ago, this question would have been unnecessary. Míngzé opened the door and set a step back. “Sāng,” he greeted the other. Dai appeared at his feet, growling softly at Sāng from behind the safety of Míngzé’s legs.

In the background you could clearly hear Doctor House talking. From what he could gather he’d figured out what the problem was exactly and was not racing to save the patient’s life. “No, not at all. I was watching tv,” he reassured the other, gesturing behind him toward the tv.

“Is something wrong?” When the question left his lips, concern clouded his face. It was not unusual form them to meet at night, but those times had been different. Now it was Sāng knocking at his door in the middle of the night.

A small smile broke through at the mention that nothing was wrong. The worry ebbed away, if only a little. “That’s good,” he said with a nod. Dai only growled louder when Sāng mentioned him. “Shut it.” For now it did the trick and the pokémon fell quiet. “He’s mad you ruined his beautysleep.” Míngzé rolled his eyes as he said that. The pokémon was the only one who had been fast asleep.

“Right,” Míngzé muttered, his voice tinged with bitterness. After his visit he had wondered how the two knew each other and why they were both in Sāng’s apartment, but he quickly dismissed those questions. He took a deep breath, again pushing it all aside.

“I have something for you.” Although Sāng probably already knew that too. Míngzé turned around and left the door open. If the other wanted he could come inside. The very ugly wrapped present with a very obvious form was waiting on his dining table. “Just something small. First I intended on giving it to you around Christmas, but here we are.” Only a month, nearly two, later. It made sense, given the death of Sāng’s mom, that he had needed some time to himself.

A while ago they’d sat on the roof together and Sāng had told him about a good guy in his life that he liked. This only confirmed this was that Vince. At this point in time, Míngzé could not fully agree with Sāng about him. It all left a sour taste in his mouth, thinking back to that one confrontation.

Míngzé huffed and rolled his eyes dramatically when Sāng suggested he was jealous. If only that was the reason. “Right. That’s it, you got me,” he tried to keep his tone lighthearted. They would probably murder each other after living one week together in the same house. He could still remember their first time meeting each other, that also did not go well, but had been a whole different situation. “He was being way too pushy, that's all.” Míngzé heaved a deep breath and shook his head, trying to push away the irritation it brought forth.

Instead he decided to turn his attention towards the present in his hands. Míngzé handed it over to Sāng. “No idea if it’s any good, you know I’m no expert.” He managed to get a small smile onto his lips. The bottle of tequila was not one of the very expensive ones, but was also not the cheapest. Softly he hummed, looking over his shoulder towards his tv. “I believe I could fit this into my very busy schedule, yes.” While he said that he was already removing his jacket and cane.

“You were ignoring all my attempts at flirting.” Of which there were none, which was entirely the point. For a moment he thought that maybe, they were each talking about a different Vince, but that was impossible. Míngzé hummed in confirmation. “Perhaps he loved my voice and couldn’t get enough of it.” An attempt to make light of the situation because in the big scheme of things, it was not a big deal at all.

Wrapping something without seeing what exactly you were doing was not great. Especially when it had a weird form like a bottle of tequila. In his head it did not look that horrible. “It's no problem, really. After everything you more than deserve something small,” he said with a simple shrug. It was true. Sāng did deserve more, but it was the idea behind this that mattered.

Trusting Sāng, he followed with his help until they reached the rooftop and they sat down. The experience of walking around on the rooftop was still horrible and he hated every minute of it. Only when he sat down, was he able to relax again. There sounded a sigh after Sāng had asked his question, one that was deeper than intended.

“I’d be lying if I told you things have been going good.” Somehow, framing it like this made it easier than simply saying, "No, things weren't going well." Míngzé leaned his head against the stone wall, his eyes gazing towards the pitch black sky. There was nothing there. The moon was never bright enough and a sun would only damage his eyes further. “Can you believe I’ve never seen a star in my entire life?” People often talked about stars, yet he had never seen them and they were far out of reach.

Míngzé couldn’t help but roll his eyes in amusement. “I promise I’ll try harder when the time arises, send more winks towards you, that must do the trick.”

A soft sigh escaped when Sāng asked him to give Vince another chance. He rubbed his eyes before lifting his shoulders for a second. It was difficult for sure to let bygones be bygones. “We’ll see.” This was not something he could promise. So far he did not want to talk to the other at all, not even about the weather, which was an immediate result of their conflict.

Stars. The idea sounded impossible. A black background in the sky filled with small specks of light all over.  It only got weirder if he thought about constellations. “It sounds fake,” he said with an almost empty chuckle. Yeah no, he could not envision it at all.

For a moment he tilted his head to the side, towards Sāng, before looking back to the sky. “Well, your boyfriend did tell me to talk and find someone to trust,” he muttered, followed by a deep sigh. That is why the whole conflict had started in the first place, because there was no trust at all between him and Vince so why would he talk. But this was different. Over the months he’d come to trust Sāng.

Talking, it had never been his strong suit. “I think I— no, I know why I could sense the curse on you, among other things.” Last time he talked about this, his sister had caught fire and nearly destroyed his apartment. Ever since then he kept it all to himself and they had not talked about it either after that happened.

Míngzé raised a brow and looked at the other in amusement as he started laughing, telling him to also add compliments. “Your blue eyes are the prettiest I’ve ever seen,” he said, keeping his tone seriously. Out of everyone he was probably the worst person to compliment someone’s appearance.


Míngzé fell silent for a moment. Those were the words he’d used back then, and now they all made so much more sense. “Yeah,” he confirmed with a sigh. The way he had worded it back then nearly caused everything to collapse. It had not been his most tactical approach, but Sāng had demanded him to explain back then.

“A few months ago, something happened that I still can’t fully explain.” Even if he could recall the full event, Míngzé was not sure if he would be able to explain it in detail. It did not make any sense. “I was on the beach with Qiān, a pokémon attacked, next thing I know I hit the water and got pulled under. All I remember is going deeper, and deeper with no way out. Even now I can still feel water filling my lungs.” As he said that, he placed a hand against his chest. If he let his mind wander to those moments, the burning sensation was back, the thight feeling in his chest that felt like it was ready to burst. There were things he could not say out loud, only hint at.

“That was the day I accidentally texted you instead of a friend of mine.” There was a smile on his face as he recalled that, even though it did not fully reach his eyes. The bottle of tequila from back then was still in his kitchen, waiting.  

So not blue then. There was a smile dancing on his lips. Not that it really mattered. He would occasionally forget his own eye color, or more that it could matter to other people. “I fear I have to pass, before you know it I’ll get lost in them,” Míngzé said jokingly. It was something he heard people say in movies, that they could get lost in someone’s eyes.


Míngzé clenched his teeth as Sāng said the words he couldn't bring himself to say. With a stiff nod he confirmed that the other was correct. “Yeah.” That was the only word he managed to muster. The idea was still horrible to him, no matter the fact that he’d acknowledged its presence. There was no escaping it, yet that did not mean he had to like it. Not only that, in a way it was growing stronger, which was only more reason for concern.

“Really, I hope you never have to. It came at a price.” Even being one of those people himself, he can’t exactly say it has changed his view. In his eyes, Affinities were not worth all of this. They were still dangerous.

“And hell if I know,” he sighed deeply, shaking his head and shrugging almost desperately. “I don’t think it’s limited to weird curses. For now I’m still figuring it all out, I guess.” Because what other choice did he have? So far he has found no way that could help him suppress it. “Not that I exactly like it.” There had only been one positive about this whole ordeal, and that was also gone. Which was for the better.

“You might want to start wearing a warning sign,” Míngzé said light-heartedly. The conversation they were having now starkly contrasted with their previous exchange. Before it had been all fun and games, but that seemed to be a decade ago. Míngzé did not know exactly what made it easier to talk that night. His trust in Sāng had certainly something to do with it, but perhaps he was just tired of keeping it all to himself.

Míngzé blinked in surprise before narrowing his eyes at the revelation that Vince had gone through something similar. He understood what Sāng was trying to do. People always said that it helped to talk about traumatic events, especially with someone who went through something similar. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse,” Míngzé said honestly. “If he went through something similar, he should know how difficult it is to talk about.” It took him months to finally speak up about all of this on his own accord. There was a lump in his throat he had to swallow before he could continue. “He called me an empty husk without knowing anything about me.” There might be a world where the both of them could see eye to eye, but for that they had a long way to go.

Then for a second time surprise washed over him, only now it was also filled with concern. How could he not be concerned, knowing how things had been when he got his awakening? Just moments ago, he had hoped that Sāng would never have to experience anything like this. Yet now, Sāng revealed his own affinity to him. “Fuck,” Míngzé muttered as he was lost for words for a moment. Almost defeated, he leaned back against the wall. “You want to talk about it?” he asked.

It was strange to hear Sāng talking about Vince. If Míngzé did not know any better he would think they were both talking about a different person. Perhaps it had been bad luck. Maybe they met at the wrong place at the wrong time.

“You’re making sense, I guess” Míngzé said with a deep sigh. It was true he had said things Sāng did not want to hear, it was only normal as no one was perfect. “The only difference being that we knew each other and I was scared of what that feeling meant.” With Vince it had come seemingly out of nowhere and had felt like the other was judging him. And for what? Because he had trouble talking about something difficult, even to his pokémon who he’d known for a long time.

“But I don’t know, maybe he’s right in a way. Ever since that day I’ve felt like a part of me is missing, which sounds— ridiculous.” You can’t just lose a part of yourself after all, unless it's a limb. But now that he knew the other also had an affinity, perhaps it was the same as with Sāng. Maybe Vince could also sense something.

Without even second guessing it, he accepted the bottle. The taste was still as bad as he could remember, although it was different from the one he had before. A cough escaped, but it was more like he was clearing his throat. Looked like he was getting more used to the taste of alcohol.

As Sāng posed his question, Míngzé held the bottle towards him. He did not immediately answer the question however and hummed softly. It was a difficult one, especially now. “Everything in my power,” he decided.