Tunnel vision

For the first time in his life, Victor had been neglecting his school work. Instead of studying, he spent his free time training with Edgar and researching new moves or combinations that could help them in a battle. That night in the forest and gaining an affinity had changed everything. He still didn’t know what any of it meant and training, becoming stronger so he could defend himself and Edgar in the future, was the only productive way he had of keeping himself busy.

It made him even more disorganised and lost in his own thoughts than he could otherwise be. He forgot about coursework and came late to classes because he’d lost track of time while training or researching.

Right now, he didn’t notice where he was walking and bumped into someone. The feeling took his breath away. No, no, this couldn’t be happening. “Did I touch you?” he asked while he turned around, panic slipping into his voice, before he recognised the person he’d hit: Ming. While they were in different classes, they’d gotten to know each other; though it had been a while since they’d seen one another.

Victor didn’t go for the pleasantries that normally went with seeing someone again after a while. Instead, he stared at the other with wide eyes as he waited for an answer or any signs that he’d accidentally poisoned the man.

“No it’s not,” Victor spoke rapidly. “But I don’t think there was any skin contact,” he said, thinking of where he’d bumped into Ming and the amount of clothes he was wearing to prevent anything from happening. The only skin that someone could come into contact with was his face, everything else was covered, and as far as he could tell, they’d just bumped shoulders.

Now that he had calmed down a bit, Victor explained. “You just have to be careful around me. It’s— I got a poison affinity and I have no idea how to control it.” He’d finally found some agency over his own life by coming to Cerynia and escaping from his father’s hold, but now he’d lost it again in just one night.

While Victor wanted as much distance between them as possible so he wouldn’t accidentally poison Ming, It hurt to see the other take a step back. This affinity had taken the ability to just be comfortable around other people away from him and he resented it for that.

Victor shrugged. “As much as I can be,” he answered. “It’s difficult,” he admitted. It wasn’t just not being able to touch others, there were also the nightmares and the newfound fear of bug pokémon. He wasn’t really alright if he was honest with himself, but he couldn’t not be alright. There was school, his father at home that still expected him to perform, and Victor himself who didn’t want to pause and give himself the chance to break down. And amidst all his fears, he was somewhat curious about what he could do with this affinity if he could learn how to control it.

It was clear that Victor wasn’t thriving at the moment. The events in the forest occupied his mind all the time and he spent so much time training and researching that his school work started to suffer from it and his already horrible sleep schedule had been wrecked even more, leaving him tired all the time.

The only ones he’d talked to about his affinity yet were Sang and Archie. He hadn’t wanted to bother anyone else with his problems, afraid it would only make them turn around and run away. Ming offering to talk first surprised Victor, he didn’t really believe he was worth anyone’s time, then it made him smile. “That would be nice,” Victor said. He didn’t know yet whether he wanted to open up further about his affinity, but it felt good to know someone wanted to listen to him.

Victor agreed and followed Mingze towards the cafeteria. He knew the place wouldn’t be too busy at this time of day as most people had already left campus. Only a few unlucky students still had lectures at this hour. Normally Victor would’ve already locked himself in his room or the library, until a few months ago he would’ve done it to study, but since he’d gained his affinity he spent that time looking up information on affinities and on moves he could learn Edgar.

The other’s comment about affinities made Victor look at him. “Do you have experience with affinities?” He’d learned in his first months in Cerynia that most people here knew at least someone with an affinity, Mingze was probably no different.

While there were habitual and cultural differences between Galar and Cerynia, Victor had found affinities to be the biggest distinction between the two regions. He’d heard of them back home, had developed an interest in them and had read about them, but nothing had prepared him for living in Cerynia. Even something as simple as seeing someone cool a drink with an ice affinity still impressed Victor after all this time in Sanctum city.

Victor listened as Mingze told him about his sister. With his experience with controlling his own affinity it didn’t surprise Victor that she’d almost burned down a house when she’d just gotten her affinity. Newly acquired affinities were dangerous. But there was a question on his mind that he needed to ask. “Did she learn how to control it?”

Victor nodded when Mingze said she still struggled. It gave him some hope to hear that Mingze’s sister had gained better control over her affinity, but knowing that she still wrestled with the ability didn’t help to lift the pit in his stomach. It seemed having an affinity would, while it would get better, be an eternal struggle.

But then Mingze seemed to read his thoughts and said it didn’t have to be like that. “Is that possible?” Victor asked incredulously. Was it an option to not want an affinity? From what he knew, it had seemed an affinity was an irreversible gift, or curse depending on how you looked at it, and Victor hadn’t made up his mind yet which of the two ways he viewed it.

Victor sat on the edge of his seat as he waited for Mingze to tell him more, but the other didn’t know. Deflated, Victor leaned back in his chair. Mingze went on though that he wanted to find out whether it was possible. Victor nodded, interested in the possibility even if he wasn’t sure what he thought about it. “No, I don’t think it will be easy,” Victor agreed. If it was easy, the procedure would already be known all around the region.

The question didn’t come unexpected, but Victor still breathed in deep to steady himself before he started to tell the story. “I was in the forest on a run, but got attacked by Spinarak and Ariados. They hit my murkrow with a string shot.” It wasn’t fun to talk about, but it had become easier to tell, easier to detach himself from the pain he’d felt back then. “I tried to get to him but there were just too many and one got on my back and poisoned me. I don’t know how, but it didn’t feel like normal Spinarak poison. It was so much stronger and I was going to die… but then I felt that if I stopped fighting the poison, it might spare me, work together with me. When I woke up, I had an affinity.” He kept what had happened the next day to himself for now.

Everything Mingze had told him so far, raised a question within Victor. “Do you have another reason for wanting to be able to get rid of an affinity?” The man had told about his sister, but it was already a year ago since she’d gotten her affinity and Victor didn’t believe it could just be that. Something more recent must have happened to bring Mingze’s desire to be able to get rid of affinities to the front.

In the beginning, Victor had tried to ignore his affinity, but the nature of his abilities had swiftly rendered that impossible. Poisoning Edgar had shown that he couldn’t hide his affinity if he didn’t want to hurt people. Telling Mingze exactly how he’d gotten it, however, was a choice he could make and after contemplating for a moment he told the story.

Victor nodded. “It was. It’s difficult to forget,” he admitted, the pain visible in his eyes and voice. It had been awful and the experience still haunted his nightmares. It had changed his perspective on affinities: not only seeing them as something exclusively positive anymore.

Now, Victor turned towards Mingze. He didn’t believe the other wanted to find a way to get rid of an affinity only for his sister, there must be a more recent, more visceral reason—and there was. Victor’s eyes widened when the man revealed he had an affinity. It put Mingze’s earlier words in perspective and made the reasoning behind his desire clear. “How?” Victor echoed the question the other had asked him earlier. “If you want to tell,” he added; if Mingze wanted to get rid of his affinity so badly, the way in which he’d gotten it couldn’t be any less traumatic than Victor’s own experience.

Victor had told others about his affinity before, but Mingze was the first one that seemed to truly understand his pain. A small smile appeared on Victor’s face as he agreed with the other: “Me too.” Victor had seen death before and if there was one thing he was sure about, it was that he didn’t want to cross that boundary yet.

It became clear why Mingze understood: the other had been through the same. Victor winced as Mingze spoke of the sea, his mind going back more than a decade to the day his family had broken in pieces forever with the loss of his brother. “You died,” Victor echoed in a whisper. “But you came back,” he said after a moment of silence. Was it truly possible to come back from something like that? “Do you hear the dead now?” His curiosity was probably insensitive, but Victor didn’t think of that.