Tunnel vision

Right before he’d gotten his affinity, Victor had felt like he was going to die, the pain had become excruciating and his heart had been about to stop, but he hadn’t. He’d accepted the poison as part of himself and had gained an affinity. Mingze’s story was familiar, but for one point: the other had died. Something that should be impossible to come back from.

But what else could he have done? “You didn’t,” Victor answered when the man asked what choice he had. “Neither of us did,” he said, bitterness in his voice. If they hadn’t accepted, neither he nor Mingze would be sitting here.

It was horrifying to think that Mingze had died. Victor’s near-death experience still haunted him, but he couldn’t imagine what it was like to actually pass away. Yet, the possibility also brought out his curiosity. Could there be a way to bring people back from the dead? If it was, so much suffering could be undone. But then he looked at Mingze and became unsure whether it wouldn’t just be replaced by a different pain.

Victor listened as the other explained his affinity, but fought off his curiosity to ask further. It wouldn’t do anyone any good.

Thoughtful, Victor looked at his gloved hands. Then he looked up at Mingze. “I’ll find a way,” he said determined. “I don’t know how yet, but I’ll find something.” Like Mingze was set on finding a way to get rid of his affinity, Victor would do everything to find a way to control his.

Victor listened carefully when Mingze spoke. “When I got my affinity,” Victor shuddered at the memory, “It felt like the poison had a mind of its own. Like it talked to me and asked me to accept it,” he recounted. Maybe his affinity was indeed a separate entity. Victor thought about it, but something was off about that theory. “But it doesn’t feel like just a separate entity. It’s like it’s become a part of me.” He looked up at Mingze while he thought about what he just said. Victor wasn’t so sure right now whether removing your affinity wouldn’t also remove a part of your very self.

What Mingze had said about the solution being linked to how you got your affinity in the first place made Victor think of something. “I was thinking of going back to the forest where I got my affinity.” It seemed like madness to try and that was why he hadn’t done it yet. “Maybe there’s something there that explains why that Spinarak’s poison was different and gave me an affinity.” Until recently that had been his only lead in learning more about his affinity. “But I went to the fortune teller at the Harmony Festival and they told me to go to Xerneas’ tree. I’m not sure what I would be able to find there, but I’m thinking of going. It’s my only lead.” He hadn’t told anyone about this yet, Mingze was the first Victor felt might understand. Victor was desperate for answers and the fortune teller’s wisdom was the only clue he had right now.

Talking about his affinity was always difficult, but surprisingly, the conversation made Victor feel lighter. It was good to have someone to talk to who’d been through the same thing he had and who was facing similar troubles. “I will be,” Victor said. What had happened in the forest had scared him enough that he didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks.

There was, however, another option he was thinking of exploring. “She said I would find knowledge and the keys to harnessing my true potential,” Victor answered, thinking back to his conversation with the fortune teller. “She said there will be challenges as well, but it seems like my best lead.”

Victor listened as Mingze said he’d also visited her. “Me too,” Victor agreed. Others often thought he didn’t believe in the supernatural or abilities like fortune telling, but with the abilities pokémon had and Cerynia’s affinities Victor knew there were much stranger things in the world that had already been proven to be true. “What did she tell you?” he asked, curious to hear her guidance to Mingze.

Ever since he’d gotten his affinity, Victor had desperately been looking for more information. Who had given him this affinity? What could he do with it? How could he control it? He’d found few answers. This was the first he had that might actually yield what he was looking for. At least he hoped so.

Whereas Victor had been helped by the fortune teller, Mingze hadn’t been told what he wanted to hear. “Maybe there are good things about your affinity,” Victor said, thoughtful. “And you just haven’t discovered those yet.” Mingze wanted to get rid of his affinity, but maybe he could only see the downsides of it right now. After all, Victor knew his poison affinity had benefits even if he couldn’t use that part of his abilities yet.

The next thing Mingze said made Victor’s eyebrows scrunch up with worry. “Did she elaborate on that?” Fortune tellers always were cryptic and often gave you small pieces of information so you had to figure out the rest yourself, but maybe she’d said something more.

“I’m not sure about that,” Victor said. Of course there were fake fortune tellers, but the one at the festival had seemed to be the real deal.

Victor looked at the other thoughtfully. “Mine’s not much different right now.” He didn’t have ghosts bothering every waking moment, but his affinity tortured him in other ways. “But I know there are people who can control it, even use it to purify.” Those experiences gave him hope. “I have to believe I’ll be able to do that someday or I’ll lose my mind.” There were moments when he feared he might never be able to touch anyone ever again. When that happened, he needed to focus on the people that had come before him and learned to control their poison affinity because otherwise the fear would consume him.

Waiting for Mingze to remember what the fortune teller had told him, Victor stayed quiet. “Spirits? As in ghosts?” Maybe that’s why she wanted the man to accept his affinity: because it would guide him on the right path, away from this darkness she’d warned him off.

Victor chuckled. While he’d gone to the fortune teller in hope of finding answers, he’d also thought it was more likely that she would be a fraud. But she hadn’t been. He was sure that the advice she’d given him was real and that he would find answers if he listened to her words. “Such a shame that you won’t get rich,” Victor joked. Maybe it would have been easier if the fortune teller had been a fraud; it wouldn’t have given them all these questions. But Victor shook that thought out of his head because if she’d been fake he also wouldn’t have gotten the only lead he now had and he’d have been searching for answers in the wrong places forever.

Victor didn’t know what he’d do if he had an opportunity to get rid of his affinity. Would the hopelessness and fear of never being able to control it, never being able to touch anyone ever again, sway him to give up the opportunity to learn how to harness his affinity? He wasn’t sure what he’d choose. What he did know was that if he could learn to control his affinity, he wouldn’t give it up. “Yes, it would be,” Victor concluded that the ability to purify things would be worth it if he could learn how to. He could do good things with this power if only he gained the skill to use it.

So he’d been right: the fortune teller had been referring to Mingze’s affinity and how it would guide him away from darkness. “So your affinity will guide you away from these people according to her?” Victor asked to confirm his suspicions with the other.

Victor laughed at the comment. If only he’d gotten a vacation out of his visit to the fortune teller instead of a possibly dangerous journey ahead of him. “Very disappointing,” he agreed. “A vacation would be nice,” he lamented. For Victor, lack of money wasn’t what kept him from packing his bags and leaving for a tropical destination, it was the sense of responsibility to his life here, the friends he’d made, his studies, his father somehow still, and the need to find out more about his affinity and what role it played in the world.

Mingze’s words made Victor nod in agreement. Fortune tellers were always vague and so they couldn’t say with certainty that was indeed what she’d meant. Though Victor didn’t see another way of interpreting the words.

Victor raised his eyebrows, some concern visible in his expression, when Mingze said the only vacation he could pay for was a trip to Opaline beach. The comment about money earlier had seemed like a joke, but maybe it had been more serious than he’d thought. But before Victor was able to analyse that part of the conversation, Mingze asked him what destination he’d choose if he could go on vacation right now. “Right now?” He thought for a moment. “A house in the woods where I can’t hear anything but nature and the animals. And enough books to last me a month,” he laughed at that last part. “How about you?”

Mingze’s comment on how he didn’t share the same sense of adventure drew laughter from Victor. The destination he’d chosen was boring indeed. That was the point though. Victor had been through enough adventure for a while, he could use some rest. Having said that, he didn’t think he would get any. He was going to follow the hint the fortune teller had given him and there was no way that would lead to a nice and quiet evening.

The destination Mingze chose was more personal; and something Victor couldn’t really relate to. He’d come to Cerynia to get away from his family. It was difficult for him to imagine wanting to go to a place you had no memories off only because you had roots there.“Do you have family there?” he asked, wondering if Mingze had any more connections to the region.

So Mingze did have family there, though he hadn’t seen them in forever. “Well, I hope you’re able to see them soon,” Victor said. He would never be able to understand how Mingze felt, but he still wished that the other could go visit Fènghuáng soon.

Victor smiled at the man’s question. “Yes, thanks for wanting to talk about it.” Talking to Mingze had calmed him down and it had given him the opportunity to learn that the other also had an affinity he didn’t have a great relationship with. It was good to know he wasn’t alone, even if he wished Mingze didn’t have to go through the same thing he was. “You really helped me,” he said, grateful the other had been willing to listen.

Grateful that Mingze had been willing to talk to him, Victor thanked him. The conversation had truly helped him and he was glad to know he had a friend who could understand, even if he wished Mingze wasn’t going through the same thing as him.

After letting his phone tell the time, Mingze said that he needed to go. Victor nodded. They’d accidentally walked into each other, he was sure the man had other things he needed to do today. “Thanks. I will,” Victor said when Mingze let him know that he could always call if he needed anything. He hoped a conversation like this wouldn’t be necessary soon, but maybe they could just hang out sometime. “See you,” he told the other goodbye before he left.