Falling to pieces

If Míngzé later found out there was any blood on his couch, he would demand Sāng to buy him a new one. One was already ruined because of Lányù, not to forget the damage done to his apartment. If his landlord server saw this, they might as well throw him out. Now he tried to hide it with a randomly placed rug, but he hadn’t found the time yet to paint the ceiling. “You should’ve been here a few days ago, this is nothing compared to then,” he complained with a deep sigh. Hopefully in a few more days, it will be completely gone.

It’s not easy to clean and bandage your own wounds, especially if it is as bad as this one is. Sāng refused his help, saying it was not great and Míngzé nodded. “Alright, let me know if there is anything I can do.” He placed his hands on his lap and leaned back in his seat. His concerned gaze was directed at the other’s hand. “Do you think it is broken?” All he could do was wonder how bad it was exactly.

The pain was bad enough that Sāng needed a distraction. Something fun. Míngzé moved a bit and sat on one of his legs. “I don’t know if it is fun, but about my sister,” Míngzé started but thought about what he should say next. Was it really his place to tell this story? Then again, the chance of these two ever meeting was slim, and it was not that these things were frowned upon by everyone. “We were supposed to have a family diner, but things didn’t turn out the way we expected them to turn out.” Luckily for them, their parents had to cancel themselves and never actually showed up. A housewarming party, but she took the warm part too literally.” The worst part was that the burned spot was in his living room, not even in the kitchen. Which made no sense if you think of it.

There were things he wanted to do, like paint the ceiling to hide the black markings, but it had to wait. "The windows are open throughout the day, which has helped a lot." Even though that meant he had to sit in the cold all day.

From what he could see, it did not look good at all. What wounds Sang had were a mystery to him, but even he could see the differnet kind of shade his skin had. According to Sang it was not broken, but it was worse. "What did—" he started before swallowing the question. Sang had stated he did not want to talk about it, so he won't ask questions. "Nevermind." It was not any of his business anyway.

Mingze lifted his eyes for a moment. Surely it was alright to tell him this. They would never meet. "She caught fire," he said and immediatly understood how stupid he must sound. If someone told him that their sister had caught fire, he would think it was a joke. A deeper sigh rolled over his lips as he leaned further into the couch. "The wonderful awakening of an affinity, which is just—" he spoke with a hint of anger in his voice. Mingze shook his head and closed his eyes. "Bad, nothing good ever comes out of it." They were a danger to everyone. Which was exactly why whatever was happening to Sang was bad.

A small smile tugged at his lips when Sang offered to help, the only problem was that he was in no position to do so. And then it surprised Sang that Mingze did not agree with him earlier that day. Again it showed he was right to put a bit of trust in him. "I'll fix it eventually, but thanks."

Mingze raised one eyebrow at Sang's tip. "Charcoal? I think my whole ceiling is one big spot of charcoal." The good thing was that he did not have to look at the ugly black spots.

The other appreciated it when Mingze did not press on. Of course he was curious. Of course he wanted to know because that was the only way he felt like he could really understand him. But he was in no position to demand answers. Maybe one day. Who knew.

"Definitely not. Wouldn't want you to get even hotter," Mingze said dryly. A stupid joke, given that he still had no idea what the other looked like. Yes, he had light colored hair, was almost the same size as he was, but that was about it.

The question came if she was alright and Mingze nodded a few times. "Physically yes, the fire did her no harm." Mentally however, there was no saying what it had done to her mind. Something like that would take a toll on anyone. "She was freaking out when it happened, which is completly understandeble." The fact that he was the cause for everything that happened that day, he kept to himself. If only he had stood his ground, she might still be normal like anybody else.

There was no arguing there. The stank in his home was bad, no matter what. “I’ll be sure to try that.” He probably still had some. Even if it did not work, it would do no harm. It couldn’t get much worse than this.

His stupid joke hung in the air for a while and Míngzé became more self conscious about what he’d said. It was not meant as anything like that. It was only something lighthearted, something to lessen the tension that was still surrounding them. Nothing serious. Then finally the laughter came and Míngzé relaxed visibly. “Don’t blame me,” he said with a hint of innocence, holding his hands up in the air. “You were the one who asked for something fun.” An almost proud smile danced on his lips. Not his fault at all.

It looked like Sāng was finished with his arm and Míngzé sat a bit straighter. They only came here because that hand needed to be taken care of. Míngzé liked to believe that he was safe from affinities, that he was at an age where he was too old to get one. That hope had shattered into a million pieces when Lányù got hers.

A deep frown appeared on his forehead when Sāng continued speaking and he sat even straighter, showing obvious interest in the subject. “I would take the risk. What side effects it might bring is better than the alternative.” He really hoped people would be smart during these elections and would open their eyes to the dangers surrounding affinities. It would be better for anyone.

Míngzé pushed the box towards Sāng when the other started to put everything back. Once he was done, he too stood up and lifted the box while listening to the arguments that were being made. He hummed as he gave it a second thought.

“But can you trust affinities?” Míngzé asked the same question in return, his voice calm. At least doctors were other living beings. They were something he could understand because they were just like him, not some otherworldly power that changed someone's life completely. “Once it's inside you, the harm is already done, so I doubt it can get much worse than that.” A lump formed in his throat and he quickly tried to mask it by clearing his throat. Merely talking about it made him uncomfortable.  

“They’re dangerous,” Míngzé concluded as he headed inside the bathroom to put away the box. He could still clearly remember how his own brother had suffered under the pressure of an affinity.

Míngzé dropped to his knees to shove the box back under the dresser below his sink. He did it carefully, making sure he would be able to hear what Sāng had to say. They both had different worries, that much was clear. A knot tied in his stomach as the other carried on, now directing their focus on the potential dangers of the pill itself. It was as if all of the sudden, the stranger sensation coming off Sāng had multiplied. This conversation caused Míngzé to be more aware of that and a strange hollow feeling.

With more force he pushed the box underneath it, the sound pulling him back out of his thoughts. Míngzé rose to his feet again and left his bathroom to join Sāng again. Goosebumps were covering his arms again even while he was wearing enough layers to keep him warm. “I would take the risk,” he said, although there was some hesitation in his voice. Before he’d been confident, but what if Sāng was right and what if it made it even worse.

Trading some unknown curse for an affinity. Míngzé hummed softly. “That does make sense I guess.” Especially since there was no saying what that curse would exactly do to Sāng. His golden eyes moved over Sāng’s body. It was so very clear that something was there. “Has anyone else expressed— sensing something?” he asked carefully. Míngzé did not want to poke around in Sāng’s business, but he couldn’t help but wonder if this was something everyone felt or just him.

There was a small ray of hope that still lived in his chest. Maybe it was not just him. It was Sāng who was cursed by some strange grandma and Sāng who wore the curse. Everyone might be able to sense it.

But Sāng’s answer felt like he got stabbed. No. So he was the only one. Or no one else had said anything about it. Míngzé tried his best to simply nod like it all meant nothing, but then Sāng went on. The woman he’d met earlier did not seem that bad, but he could hardly know her that well after meeting her for less than five minutes. “Right,” was all he said. A look of worry spread over his face when Sāng mentioned she would not bat an eye if he grew a horn.

Short story short, it did not seem like anyone else noticed. It was fine. This meant nothing. Míngzé wanted to forget he even asked, until Sāng addressed him again. His tone worried him slightly. “Hm? What is it?”

With the conversation they were having, Míngzé should’ve expected these questions. It did not make sense. They both knew that. This feeling he had was so strong and impossible not to notice. If others felt it too, they too would react to it. Which is exactly why he asked Sāng about it. He wanted the reassurance he was not alone in this.

“I don’t know,” Míngzé answered honestly, knowing all too well that it was not the answer Sāng was hoping for. He walked to his couch, placing one hand on the seat before sitting down. He leaned forward by placing his arms on his legs. “It’s not like this is— normal for me either.” The words made the knot tighten again. It was weird. Here he was hoping not to be the only one, while Sāng hoped otherwise. Which made sense.

Míngzé wanted to keep it at that, but with everything that happened earlier he could not do that either. “I think you can compare it to a gut feeling but— well, different.” As he tried to find the right words, he kept his eyes to the ground. “Cold and empty, as if there is nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Like when something is dead. The reason he called it that earlier, was because it felt familiar.

Everything was so fucked up and Míngzé did not understand how he got here. One moment it had felt like he had his whole life under control. He was almost done with school, he had found a job, and finally had a place to call his own. But now it felt like everything was starting to crumble again.

For a moment he looked up as the other thanked him for the help. Míngzé forced a smile on his lips and nodded. The other mentioned that he would be going now to get the groceries he needed. From the way he said it, he could gather that Sāng would do it alone. “I understand,” Míngzé said as he drew a silent breath. “Good luck.” He did not stand up, but stayed seated. It was fine. He wouldn’t want to stay around himself either after all that.