[m] House call

Míngzé was only vaguely aware someone had joined him in the bed. There was a certain familiarity to the presence, the only reason he did not think twice. Something brushed through his hair, the gesture soothing. I did not take long before he fell into a deeper sleep.

Sleep was much needed as his body and mind needed time to process all the events of the past day. It had been filled with warmth, reminders of the good times. For a good portion of his dreams, they had been filled with exactly that. During those moments he was relaxed, his breathing deep but calm.

Only when somehow he was reminded over everything that came before things changed. First a frown, then his breathing became faster and at some point he became more restless. Always moving his arms and legs around, turning from one side to the other and back again.

Until he had the feeling something came crashing down upon him and with a jolt he jumped awake, sitting straight up as he pressed his back against the headboard. A scream was lost in his throat, not able to make it over his lips.  

In his dreams, although they could mostly be called nightmares, he was attacked. All Mingze did was sit somewhere enjoying a cup of coffee, when all of the sudden someone pushed him over. Pain followed even when he did not know where it came from. In that moment he was terrified, afraid that he might die.

He tried his best to shield himself, get the attacker off him and at some point he succeeded.

Still half asleep he jolted awake. In his mind he had to create distance, which was exactly why he moved back. For a second mingze thought all would be fine, but that was not the case.

Something touched his arm and insticivly he pulled back, slapping the had away as he did so. With a bewildered look he gazed to the other side of his bed.

Wait... there was someone...Lamar? How could forget about him. "Oh, fuck, I´m so sorry," he breathed heavily. He was no longer used to sleeping with someone. Mingze never expected to be waking up now with someone there.

His heart was still hammering in his chest as he stared out in the darkness. "You stayed." Mingze was talking mostly to himself, reminding himself of all the wonders that had also happened in an attempt to calm down. He placed a hand against his chest, feeling te strong beating heart beneath his fingertips.

It had come as a total surprise before realization dawned down upon him. Their conversation from last night came back to him. Lamar had promised he would stay over for the night.

Míngzé raised his knees to his chest, leaning forward on them before his fingers moved through his hair. How stupid he had been for reacting like this. For a moment a thought crossed his mind. Should he have sent Lamar home? Then at least this would not have happened. He knew what certain events could do to him, how he responded to them. Míngzé knew he would wake up from a nightmare this way.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Míngzé sighed deeply, his jaw tense at the mention of his couch. Yeah, no, that one was out of the question. Another deep breath and he tried to calm him some more. “Of course you were welcome to sleep here,” he continued as he shot Lamar a quick smile.

A shiver ran down his back. It was a bit chilly, especially since sweat stuck to him, caused by the nightmare he had. “I will be.” This was not the first time he woke up form a bad dream. All he needed was some time and perhaps then he could get some more sleep. Or not. That had also happened quite a lot. Only now he could not go inside and turn on House.

“Did you find anything to eat?” That had been one of their last conversations before he crashed on his bed. A stupid question perhaps, but it would grant him a distraction.

How often had Lamar told him that day to tell him if he needed anything, and each time he received the same answer. It did not change. Things were good the way they were now, they were exactly what he needed. The presence of the other with him here right now was enough. Each touch gave him a feeling of security.

“You’re doing more than enough,” Míngzé decided to say this time, only a hint of a smile on his lips. He really did not need more than what he was already receiving. All he wished for was to find a way to take away all that worry Lamar was feeling. Having nightmares certainly did not help.

Míngzé looked up when Lamar mentioned he had not yet eaten. He fiddled a bit with his fingers. Had he come directly to bed right after his shower? It must be. But there it was again, the slight push towards him eating something, even when Lamar tried not to show it too much. “Yeah sure, there should be some pasta I believe.” Although he really did not feel hungry at all.

The last thing he could think of really was food. His last meal had been somewhere in the morning. From there everything had gone downhill. He never ate that much, but he always ate something. Now however he preferred an empty stomach.

Yet, Lamar did not seem to give him any other choice. “I’ll join you inside in a bit,” Míngzé promised him with a smile that never managed to reach his eyes.

He waited until the man was out of the bed and left his room before he lay down once more. Should he have declined the offer? Probably. Yet that would only have caused more worry. As he lay there flat on his back, he took his time to fully recover from his nightmare that was still fresh in his mind.

”Fuck,” he muttered quietly to himself. The thought crossed his mind that Lamar might not have been the right person to— well— do this with. All the worry he had shown, although very sweet, was maybe not what he needed. Or wanted.

Míngzé heaved a deep breath before finally getting out of bed. Luckily he found his robe quick enough and tossed it over his shoulders. Then he left his bedroom and went straight for his kitchen, not paying anything else any attention. “Looks like you found it,” Míngzé mentioned as he could smell the pasta. He sat down at the kitchen table, his limbs feeling heavy and sleep still very present.

Things were fine. She was no longer in his home, no one else knew the location of this artifact, he should be safe. Maybe after repeating that same sentence a million times he might start believing it too.

A plate was placed down in front of him. Not even the smell could convince him that he needed food. It was good, he had made it himself only a day ago. The taste would still be the same and he would still like it. And yet, he did not touch it.

With his fork in hand he poked the food, pushing it from one side to the other. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you really liked those brains,” Míngzé answered with a fond expression. It had been a good blind date, but he never expected them to end up in this situation.

He placed his right elbow on the table before cupping his cheek in his hand. “Do you like it?” Míngzé asked to prevent an uncomfortable silence from hitting them like a rock. A bit of the food ended up on his fork, but he dropped it again. By now he was more playing with his food than anything else.

Those brains would forever be a part of them, something neither of them would ever be able to forget and for good reasons. It was not everyday someone ate them. “I can’t guarantee anything. They might have misplaced the brains at the supermarket.” WIth certainty he could say that there were no brains in this dish.

“I did, yes. Whenever I can I try to cook for myself.” Not that he loved cooking, but he liked it well enough to spend some time on it. It was one of the few things he had learned to do himself, all to prove to his family that he could take care of himself. The amount of times he had cut in his own fingers was ridiculous.

Now it was time to poke his fork in the pasta and twist it around. “There was this bonfire during New Years Eve and I baked brownies,” Míngzé started his tale. This way he was at least not thinking too much. “They were not a big success. I don’t think anyone even took a bite.” There was an almost sad look in his eyes. “Apparently they looked like eh— shit, actual shit.” He laughed softly. Again he pushed the food out of his way.

Apparently this was better than whatever Lamar could make. Míngzé pulled the corners of his lips up in a tiny smile. “There is no reason to be perfect at it, as long as it’s good, I’m sure it’s fine.” Not everything had to be a culinary masterpiece. “I had to prove somehow that I was capable of living on my own, which is the only reason I really learned how to cook,” Míngzé explained with a quick shrug. His parents would do anything for him, always taking any responsibility away from him.

This whole conversation reminded him how long it has been since he last visited them. Not that he could now, they would not let him leave if they saw the state he was in. Then there was also the fact he would probably endanger them.

“Given that my cousin nearly killed me because she thought I gave her a box full of something else, I fear that they indeed looked like it,” Míngzé explained with a sigh. Things had been vastly different back then. While he did not think it could get any worse form their on out, it certainly did. “No one really cared about their taste.” At the end of the night, practically all of them had still been left.

He was doing better. Or at least that is what Lamar made of it. If only he was aware of everything else happening in his life, the struggles he went through. Míngzé was glad he still lived in this place. Or that he had at least a place to stay at. It was more than he could wish for.

“Living the good life.” There were pro’s and con’s to both of them. Míngzé was sure he would not be able to live at home anymore, not after living alone for so long. “Nothing wrong with still living at home, especially if that’s also where your job’s at.” He ended with a shrug. With him it had simply been because he had something to prove, otherwise who knew where he would be living.

“After nearly ripping my head off my body? No, she did not,” Míngzé said with a small smile. “Next time I’ll just bake cookies, round ones. Nothing can go wrong with that.” Or he would bring absolutely nothing. That might be the safer option.

Míngzé finally pushed his plate away from him. It would not matter how often he poked his fork in it, his appetite never came.

A soft but tired chuckle escaped. Míngzé placed both elbows on the table and folded his hands together. “That would’ve been a problem, I agree.” Especially the last part. From what he remembered, they were not particularly quiet. “Although, there are ways that make it easier, I guess.” He fiddled a little bit with his hands as he sat there, a very small grin on his lips.

After everything he was still very tired, the short nap was not nearly enough. Míngzé thought about getting a coffee, but he would wait a bit longer until Lamar had finished his food.

“Is that for now or are you planning on sticking around ‘till next year?” Míngzé asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. It was still a long time until the New Year. So much could still happen and given what was going on, he was not looking forward to it at all. “Small cookies that look like little christmas trees,” he mused out loud. By the time he needed them, he would probably have already forgotten about this whole conversation.